sunday thoughts

My very dear friend Kim is leaving this Wednesday (!!!) on a mission for the LDS church to Fort Worth, Texas. We've been friends since 3rd grade, and I still consider her to be one of my best friends. Today we got to go hear her speak at church, and she did awesome. This girl is gonna change a bunch of lives, guys. Kim is one of those people who is not afraid to tell it like it is, and she can start up a conversation with anyone.  
At the end of her talk she bore a really powerful testimony of Christ and the Atonement. It was refreshing and inspiring. A great reminder of what is important in life, and to whom we owe everything.

Isaiah puts it poetically:

"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."

Isaiah 53:3-5

We are healed.
Isn't that beautiful? Awful things may happen to us, and we may make mistakes, but we can be healed. There is always a way out. And that way is Jesus Christ.

"And now, I would commend you to seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written, that the grace of God the Father, and also the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of them, may be and abide in you forever. Amen."
Ether 12:41, emphasis added

Amen, amen.


(basically, I stole all the scriptures Kim used in her talk. see? it was good.)

we're cute.

I found this post forever ago (January) on C. Jane's blog, but forgot about it until this week's Relief Society lesson (mentioned using the internet as a way to share the Gospel).


"I think we've established that. We're cute. Blogging Mormon Housewives are cute. Ok. [...]

It's that we're more than cute. Or at least we should be. And why aren't we? Why didn't Emily end the article saying, "I am going to invite the missionaries over for hot cocoa"? Not that I want Emily to be a Mormon necessarily, but in truth, I want Emily to want to know what she was asking in the first place, Why are these blogs so fascinating?

And I don't think we've answered that question.

I think we're getting close. When I first started blogging (cue: my maternal grandbloggers voice) there wasn't a lot of religion talk in the Mormon blogs I read. Then we started to get more courageous, we started to put up buttons and link to texts (talks, articles) and sometimes we share stories about church or the goodness of God--posts that were easy on the spiritual digestion. We've come a long way in being able to proclaim our Latter Day Sainthood and it's good. But what about the doctrine? Are we sharing the meat along with the cupcakes?

Not just religion for religion’s sake, but WHY it works; why we go to church for three hours every Sunday (just to wrestle our kids for most of it) why we go on missions, why we love our temples, why we believe in families….WHY IT HELPS."

Interesting, interesting.  What do you guys think?

To read the whole post, click here. (you have to scroll down a little bit)

light at the end of the tunnel

We graduated!*

Well, Aaron did, officially. I just got to dress up in all of my graduation outfit glory and walk. Aaron spoke at graduation, and he did was awesome. I am just so proud of that guy! Seriously guys, I need to brag about him right now. He graduated with a B.S. in chemistry with a 4.0, in addition to TAing over 5 semesters and doing research in spectroscopy during the school year. He got accepted into 3 of the top 5 medical schools in the country. He got the organic chemistry student of the year sophomore year, physical chemistry student of the year junior year, inorganic chemistry student of the year and outstanding senior award senior year. He worked so hard for all of this! And he did it! And I'm so proud of him!

*end bragging*

It's weird, you know, being this close to done with my undergraduate education. It all went by so fast. Seems like last week I was living in the dorms in the flooding basement and watching "Scrubs" every Wednesday night with Amanda. I guess it's sort of good this way, because it doesn't feel like I'm done with university life yet. And I'm not. I've got another 5+ years ahead of researching, taking classes, TAing, doing homework, writing papers, etc. I like that idea.


But what campus is it that I'll be wandering around? I think we'll have a video announcement coming up on Monday?


*still have three classes left to knock out this semester: psychology, biochemistry 1, and French civ

the third and final continent

"While astronauts, heroes forever, spent mere hours on the moon, I have remained in this new world for nearly thirty years. I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only man to seek his fortune far from home, and certainly I am not the first. Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri

I love this quote. Somehow I feels like it fits with the end of the semester and being almost done (in June) with college. Me graduating with a chemistry is quite ordinary, but I am bewildered by what all has gone into the past four years of my life. Sometimes it was sucky, sometimes it was awesome, but it was always worth it.

*Also, if you haven't read any of Jhumpa Lahiri's books, you absolutely need to. Unaccustomed Earth is also fantastic. I have yet to find any other writer who can describe everyday, normal life in such a beautiful way. Love love love her. (And she's a Pulitzer Prize winner, so I'm not the only one who does!)

i'm a senior in a freshman class. don't worry, i love it.

Aaron and I are starting to think that the whole American Heritage (me) and Econ 110 (him) are soooo hard!!! thing is just a myth perpetuated by bitter freshmen. Maybe it's just because it's the second week of the semester. Or the fact that it felt like EFY when my professor asked a couple students to come up to the front of the class (of 300+ freshmen) and tell us all their dreams and goals ("solve the energy crisis! go on a mission! get married! have a family!"). Or the fact that the reading required for last week's lecture was a grand total of six pages. SIX PAGES. Shall we compare that to my biochem reading for last Friday? We shall. Five chapters of skimming and one chapter of in-depth reading. That brings us to a total of 116 pages.

I'm sure things will get more difficult. But sometimes I just think after surviving all of my chemistry classes that nothing else will seem hard.

Here's an update on mine and Aaron's plans for the next year:
He's already been accepted into Washington University in St. Louis, and we're waiting to hear back from U Penn in Philadelphia. We're pretty much set on going to one of those two schools. I've applied to the chemistry PhD program at Wash U and Penn, as well as the master's in teaching program at Wash U.

It's weird actually, because by the time June rolls around I will have accomplished every major life goal I've ever had,* and I sort of don't know what to do with myself after that. Get a PhD (if that's what I end up deciding I actually want to do). Have kids. And make sure they're good kids. That's about all I've got. Maybe I'll take up wake kiting or something (right, Jody?)

Thoughts? On American Heritage, adding to your bucket list, or life in general?

*These include:
winning at Blackpool
living in France
getting married
graduating from college

pam shortt's broken both her legs and i wanna dance with you!

Last weekend was the first time since 8th grade that I've gone to Dancesport and not competed.

I almost cried, walking into the ballroom and hearing the blaring samba music and seeing everyone in fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake nails, and rhinestones. Under the pressure all of the school and wedding stuff that's been going on I haven't really had time to sit back and miss ballroom. And I didn't realize how much I really do until then. I mean, seriously, is there any better feeling than hearing your name announced as a finalist in amateur latin or standard and walking out on that floor like, Yeah I'm hot, and you know it? 

But here was the other thing, as I sat there watching my friends and sisters dance, I felt disconnected. That isn't my world anymore. I chose to leave on my own terms, and I picked a pretty dang good reason (*cough*Aaron*cough). 

Even if I sort of wish I could participate in all of this glamor and competition again:

So thanks ballroom, for all the good times and even the not-so-good times.

But I think I'll be a [engaged] chemist now.

*Congratulations to everyone who competed! The caliber of dancing was really excellent this year!

caramel apples

On bad days I like to pull on my warmups and remember that one time I was a Blackpool champion.

(oops, closed my eyes in this shot)

What a seriously awesome summer I had.

Today I was talking with my relief society president, and she asked me what my goals were. And I realized that in the span of three months I'd sort of accomplished every major goal I've had since 5th grade:

Win at Blackpool
Live in France
Get engaged (eventually married in 50 days!!)

So...I'm a pretty lucky girl I guess. And even on days when I cry all through inorganic because of disappointing test scores I've got the best fiancé ever to put me back together and then spend Friday night helping me study for Saturday's test.

Lucky lucky lucky.

hey, guess what

Aaron likes it so he put a ring on it.

And we are getting married in T = 3 months - 2 days.

As in December 20th, in the Salt Lake Temple.

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

(And I don't have a picture of the ring because my camera charger cord is MIA! :( )

This is like the biggest occasion of my life, so I feel like it deserves this awesomely expressive eloquent post. Hence the reason for it being Wednesday and us getting engaged last Saturday. And yet, I am still without something...pretty? to say.

Can I just say, this year has got to be the most emotionally challenging, crazy-directionally-changing of my whole life? Aaron and I started dating officially last winter semester, my grandma passed away in April, I accomplished two major life goals by winning in Blackpool and living in France, I quit the ballroom team, and I got engaged.

So there you go. I suppose if I don't have anything to say it's because I'm still processing.

Wow. wow. wow. 

Lyrics by Train have been running through my head (thanks to Amanda, hehe):

My feet have been on the floor
Flat like an idle singer
Remember winger
I digress
I confess you are the best thing in my life

But I'm afraid when I hear stories
About a husband and wife
There's no happy endings
No Henry Lee
But you are the greatest thing about me

[Chorus]
If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, Love
That's enough for me

Took a loan on a house I own
Can't be a queen bee without a bee throne
I wanna buy ya everything
Except cologne
'cause it's poison
We can travel to Spain where the rain falls
Mainly on the plain side and sing
'cause it is we can laugh we can sing
Have ten kids and give them everything
Hold our cell phones up in the air
And just be glad we made it here alive
On a spinning ball in the middle of space
I love you from your toes to your face

[Chorus]

You can move in
I won't ask where you've been
'cause everybody has a past
When we're older
We'll do it all over again

When everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
I'm in it for you

If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
Then the rest is just whenever

If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
That's enough for me

and we stood at God's feet, equal-as we are!

"It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquility: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. Nobody knows how many rebellions besides political rebellions ferment in the masses of life which people earth. Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex."


-Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre


I've been re-reading Jane Eyre lately, and my goodness, there are so many awesome quotes in this thing. Kudos to Miss Bronte for crafting such an awesome heroine. Probably Jane is my literary hero and Marie Curie still reigns as my actually lived hero (along with my mother, I should add). 


I can't even pick out a favorite line from this paragraph because I love how they all fit together. Ahh. So good.
I especially...appreciate? relate to? it now as I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life. It seems almost akin to blasphemy to say I want more than "just" to be a mom, but...I do? I realize that is by far the most important and most fulfilling thing I could ever do with my life, but...I want to...go to grad school? Maybe? Ugh, I don't know. I'll probably start class in 30 days (wow, how are we already in August?) and swear I never want to be put through any more of this academic misery, but secretly I love it. Even when I'm in the Benson Building until far too late because it makes me feel like I'm doing something...important? 


Sometimes, I guess I'm just scared that when I don't have homework to do, experiments to run, or chapters to read I'll feel totally insignificant.
I suppose I should sort out my priorities.


Thoughts?

american dream

Blackberry bushes in the backyard
A white picket fence
Children running through the halls
Deep blue shutters
A room full of books
PhD diploma on the wall.

le moulin

Quite frankly, I cannot decide what I think about Paris.

It sort of feels like this odd, make-believe world created for me, where people are speaking in French for my benefit and learning. I keep thinking things like,  "Oh, how nice of them to speak French!" and "Wow, it's incredible how many people speak perfect French here!" 

Yeah, no duh.

It used to be that I loved, loved, loved big cities. Staying in the Waldorf Astoria in downtown Manhattan for 10 days was a dream come true when I was fourteen. DC quickly became my favorite city in the world at age sixteen. People would say, "I love visiting cities, but I could never live there," and I'd always think, "I could! I will! And I will love it!" But lately, I think that has changed. In England, it wasn't London that was my favorite place. It was Downham and York and Aberdeen in Scotland, smaller towns (okay, York is still fairly large, but it feels small). Here, in Paris, I love being not down the Champs-Elysees, but in Monmartre, or down the little streets where all of the outdoor markets are near our hotel. 

So I guess that's why I do not know what to make of this place. One second it feels like I'm in New York, and the next it feels like a little village. Keep me in the village, I say. 

Laisse-moi rester dans le petit village?

And another thing I've been musing on. I used to love traveling (and I still very much do), but you know what, three months is a long time to be out of the US of A. And you know what else? I really love America (and maybe a certain boy who lives there). I love our superior plumbing. I love that we have air conditioning. I love that we use paper towels. I love that we speak English. I love that our money doesn't look like Monopoly play money. I love that we have trash cans everywhere in public places. I love that we have decent hamburgers and Mexican food. I love that my family's all there. I love that my friends are all there. I love that my boyfriend's there. I love that my teammates are there. I love that we have mountains there. 

I can do anything...better than anyone...! Go watch Jessica's daily affirmation on youtube to understand that reference.

Anyway. This is not me complaining about Europe, I promise. I almost cried when I saw France out the window of the plane on my way here. I have worked so hard, for so long to get here. This has been my dream since I knew France existed. It is beautiful, and I love love love it.

But I also love other things too.

That is all.

dear america, i miss you.

This is me apologizing for never blogging on this blog anymore. Ballroom tour has been so crazy, and internet access has been so haphazard...and well, all I have to say these days is my itinerary which is posted on my other blog, so there you go.

But today I was doing some thinking. Do you ever have moments where you feel like you're reliving something? The first couple of performances after we competed at Blackpool, when we danced the latin medley, it was like I was back on that floor at the Winter Gardens, dancing in front of Brian Watson and the rest of the judges. Instead of seeing the audience at the small theatres in London or Sheffield, I was looking out at the Blackpool crowd.

And then yesterday, when we were in Dundee, Scotland taking a walking tour of the city, we walked through a cemetery dating back to the 1500s, and it was like I was in Utah standing at my grandma's grave. I was remembering little details, like all the grandkids pulling out roses to dry and keep from the arrangement on her casket.  I have these moments every so often where I realize she is not here. And sometimes I just can't help but cry all over again.

I just miss her, ya know? And I want her to know that I haven't forgotten her. 

And...it's just like...if this is how I feel, I can't even imagine what my mom or my grandpa feel like. I'm so sorry, I am so sorry.

And I decided that no one else I love is ever allowed to die before me. And I plan on living a long time, so you all better stay healthy, okay?

Cheers, and go read my other blog for a happy post. 

At Jesus's Feet

I do not want this to be a sad post.*

I was thinking about my grandma on my way home tonight. It still doesn't feel real to me. I was there at the hospital. I saw her hooked up to machines and IVs. I listened to the last things I'd ever hear her say, "Thank you for coming. I love you." *Dang. I'm already crying again. I was at the viewing. I said the prayer at the funeral and half sobbed through the song all the grandchildren sang. But it still hasn't sunk in.

I keep believing that I'll go up to my grandpa's house, and she'll be there in the kitchen asking me about dance or my summer plans, and after closely listening she'll say, "Oh honey, that's wonderful. I am so proud of you."

And when you heard her say those words, you knew she meant it. And you wanted to live in such a way that she would always be proud of you.

My grandma was the most compassionate person I know. I can't think of anyone who was better at knowing what people needed and being able to meet those needs. Last month when we went out for lunch for my birthday she was telling me about the homeless lady she'd befriended and how she'd give her food and chapstick and lotion for her weathered hands. She saw people's potential and loved them for who they are.

I miss her. I am her oldest grandchild; she gave me my first bath. I distinctly remember being completely distraught when she left after visiting my family while we were living in Indiana. I remember holding my blanket while crying in my parents' room where my grandparents had stayed and smelling something...peppermint? a certain perfume? because it reminded me of her. Here I am, some 15 years later, still that silly little girl. Grandma had to go back home.

But I will see her again.
And hopefully, when she asks about my life, and I fill her in on years of details of grad school and a wedding and children and whatever else happens to me she can say,
"Honey, I'm so proud of you,"
and that will be enough.

You failed to hold my attention Atkins' Physical Chemistry, and now look what I've gone and done:

I realized I have some random favorites:

Favorite poet: William Carlos Williams (who, by the way, gives their child a first name that is equal to their last name minus a letter? I don't even care because his poems are so awesome.)
Favorite composer: Chopin (this is random because I'm not even really a music person, as in I can play about 5 hymns on the piano and am anti-choir. I just really like his nocturnes.)
Favorite author of sort of dumb young adult novels: Sarah Dessen (read The Truth About Forever if you're ever in the mood for some good chick lit)
Favorite yogurt: yoplait light harvest peach or pineapple upside down cake

Once upon a time in high school Kim and I were talking about a book we had read wherein the characters all had really bizarre quirks, such as always shaking up pop so it could be drunk sans carbonation. Or in Amelie where the flight attendant loves the clink of the cat's bowl on tile and Amelie loves sticking her hand in things of beans or other small objects. We bemoaned the fact that people aren't really like that in real life. Everyone is so normal and boring, we said.

But...the more we thought about it, the more we realized that's not true at all. I think the better you get to know someone, the more unique you will realize they are. Everyone is weird in some way or another; everyone has their own odd combination of favorites and habits and perspectives. Some people are just better at hiding their weirdness than others. Or maybe sometimes we just don't care enough to see what their unique qualities are.

Anyway.
This was originally going to be a post about how I want a Chopin CD for my birthday.
Silly 1:00 am posts.
I ought to go to bed earlier.
Thoughts?*


*on Chopin CDs, my soon approaching birthday (as in two months away, I am never one to shy away from announcing it as it gets closer), staying up too late, weird favorites you have, people and being unique, chick lit, French films, etc...talk to me, people!

love, save the empty

I'm sitting in my room listening to the rain fall. Today I was in the homecoming parade, handing out balloons marked with "50th Anniversary- Ballroom Dance Company Annual Concert April [whatever the date is that I can't think of right now, but you should all buy tickets from me and come when it rolls around]" to little kids. It was actually really fun. All of the other teams had to dance lindy, but we did not (and did not have to spend the time to learn the routine), as we have already sacrificed enough time to the ballroom gods lately.
This week was sort of weird for me. I got back from tour and jumped right back into school...except kept doing performances with Homecoming Spectacular all week too...so it was like tour...only at home... (odd thing number one) somehow I managed to get all the way caught up with my schoolwork by Tuesday night (odd thing number two). Granted, this took failing (ok, so I use that term loosely) a physics test (perfectly normal), but at least it's over. This white cat with one blue eye and one green eye has been wandering around my apartment complex (odd thing number three). I named it Francis in my head as it followed me back and forth between my apartment and the laundry room a couple days ago. Both of my classes were canceled on Thursday (odd thing number four). It was national chemistry week, and I ate liquid nitrogen ice cream every other day. I finished my physics homework that's due Monday on Friday (odd thing number five).

I feel a little...off kilter? maybe? I'm not sure what I'm "supposed" to be doing with myself now...I could leave on a mission next fall. I could do study abroad next fall. I could stay on the team and go to Thailand next summer. I could do more research and get a paper published. I could, I could, I could.

But what is it that I should?

Hmmm.

I should go study for American Christianity.

Happy weekend everyone. :)

odonata

It's so interesting to me how the smallest things can trigger a memory that you haven't thought of in years...

I was walking outside the chemistry building this afternoon, and I saw a dragonfly, and all of a sudden ninth grade biology came rushing back to me. There I was in my backyard with a net, running around with Kim and Merissa and Amanda and Jordan and Amanda M. trying to catch everything we could. Kim and I caught a couple of bees in a jar and christened them all sorts of ridiculous names. Merissa and Jordan took off to catch grasshoppers while I stayed firmly planted far away from the field that was chock full of them. (I'm deathly afraid of them.) Later, we were trying to catch the swarm of dragonflies that circled above our heads, just barely out of reach. I said a halfhearted prayer in my head that I would be able to catch one. After a long time of trying, we gave up. Everyone went home and I went inside. It grew dark as I ate dinner. All of a sudden I heard this unusually loud thud and buzzing sound. My mom, brother, and I went out on the deck to see what it was.

A dragonfly had flown into the screen door and landed in a spider web that just happened to be right next to it. I couldn't believe it. It was trapped there, ready for the taking. My bug collection gained a dragonfly, and I gained a testimony of prayer.

God knows us. He understands the problems and hardships we are facing. He knows what will help us to pull through. He loves us enough to help us with the things that are so insignificant in the eternal scheme of things. Does a dragonfly really matter? No. But because it mattered to me, it mattered to Him. Time and time again I have seen this principle in my life. It doesn't matter if it's a math test, an o chem grade or a ballroom competition, none of which are really important. God cares because I care, and because He loves me, just as He loves all of you.
"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."

Please let me remember this tonight.

the most human color

Wow, weirdest feeling ever.
I'm sitting here in my deconstructed room as Kellie starts packing up and I'm reading blogs and I read Alyssa's post about missing Europe and I have this terrible feeling that I will never get there. I almost started to cry...totally out of the blue. ("blue lips, blue veins, blue-the color of our planet from far, far away" fav song of the moment)

I have more than enough money to go to France just sitting in my bank account. And all of a sudden I'm scared to death that it'll all get spent up on ballroom shoes, rent, food, movie tickets, lessons, etc...

:(

Is it awful that sometimes I think that once I'm done with ballroom my life will really start? That once I no longer have rehearsals and competitions I can finally focus on chemistry and actually do an internship or study abroad?

How much longer can I pull off sticking an appendage in every pool?

star spangled

Let me sum things up-

Pennsylvania: Rocky stairs, Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, pictures with Porsches (so fun! who knew I liked cars?), H&M (again), Amish country, philly cheesesteaks (apparently not my thing), and Gettysburg.

DC: monuments, Barack Obama in his limo (we really saw him pull up to the White House...so so so cool), capitol building, John Kerry in the senate gallery (yay for me and Zach for pulling that one off, we watched him debate about whether to give aid to failing foreign economies...again, so so so cool...and I do not even like him), Holocaust Museum, National Archives, Arlington, and adventures on the subway.

While on this trip I decided I sort of have a weird fondness for cemeteries. I think they're beautiful and eerily peaceful if that makes any sense. We had a chance to see a lot of them the past month.

So on Memorial Day today, I've got Gettysburg and Arlington on my mind. I'm sitting on a rock on Little Round Top, surveying the landscape below, picturing what happened there, the sacrifices that were made to preserve this country; I'm watching the changing of the guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier, touched by how the meticulousness and intricacy of that process respects and honors those whose names we don't even know who gave their lives that we can be free; I'm taken back by the sheer number of white tombstones on the lawns of Arlington, so many who died...

I'll go home tonight and eat my hamburger and Sister Wilkes' funeral potatoes and someone else's jello salad, and I'll forget all of this.
But for now,
thanks.

gah.

Heyyyyy everybody!

I'm currently in the lovely capital of Indiana. This is the first time I've been back since my family moved away when I was eight. Unfortunately I won't be going anywhere near where I used to live, but returning to the state and all is pretty cool anyway.
Yesterday we went to Nauvoo, which I apparently do not remember at all because it seemed totally different when I was there 12 years ago. It was really neat though. I got my Nauvoo brick and horseshoe nail ring through a series of miraculous happenstances and a little bit of sinning. Fact: the tour the Community of Christ Church does run a little long. Fact: All the Mormon attractions (everything that gives you free things like aforementioned rings and bricks) close at 5:00. Fact: The COC red brick store (where bricks are sold for $2.50) stays open until 6:00. Something that may or may not be true: Elisha bought me a brick and some rootbeer from the store...on a Sunday...so I wouldn't have to "break the Sabbath" (ha, right, I know that doesn't work) :S
Fact: All I wanted from Nauvoo was a stupid brick, and dang it, I sure got one.

It's been interesting seeing all of these church history sites. As we visited Carthage Jail today, I was thinking that it sort of feels like we're chasing Joseph Smith's ghost. We're tracing our way through all of these places where he lived and stayed and died and yet it doesn't quite seem real to me. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I was staring at the floor upon which he stood or that I was standing in the room he was shot.
It's disappointing really. I think I need an attitude adjustment. I'm letting all of these amazing sites (sights?) and places pass me by...So many people would kill to be where I am, and I'm taking it for granted...

I can't help it.
Confession: I want to be home.

Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying

I've had this thought...

People are not lists of interests, favorites, hobbies, activities, etc. There's only so much you can figure out about a person on facebook who claims to love Smallville, art museums, and the Fray. If that really was what they liked and were passionate about, then okay. You could piece some things together about them. But I think more often then not, people put what they wish was their favorites and interests. I know I've definitely been guilty of that. I mean, I like Maria Mena and the Postal Service, but when was the last time I actually listened to them? How many of their songs do I even have on my ipod? (Maria-2, Postal Service- 6) I read Death of a Salesman, and it was an interesting play that really made me think, but is it really one of my FAVORITE books? Probably not. And even if I did go through and make sure that all the things on my facebook page were my FAVORITE!!!!! things, all you'd have is an empty list.
It wouldn't tell you (prepare yourselves, bad grammar excessively long sentence approaching) that I'm constantly taking on more than I can really chew, and that I'm deathly afraid of grasshoppers, and that I fall asleep in the classes I like most, and that I like listening to sad music sometimes just to be sad, and that I have always wanted to be an astronaut because the stars and space just amaze me but I've never done anything to persue that, and that I am skittish, and if I was an animal I'd be a hummingbird because I flit around never making up my mind because I am quite indecisive, and that I rarely talk about my personal life to anyone but a select handful of friends, and that I'm kind (which sounds so conceited...-that's another topic for another post) and I believe the best of just about everyone and I trust everyone but not enough to confide in them and when someone doesn't treat me kindly it throws me for a loop and that, and that, and that...

My interests, hobbies, talents, major, job, skills are just an outline of me. And so I'm always wary of people who've only heard of me or read my facebook page or whatever. You don't really know what you're dealing with until you've actually met the person. And even then...for me anyway, depending on who you were and if I totally had a crush on you (ha), it'd take you forever to really get to know me.

What do you guys think? I suppose it could all go back to what makes you you...?
*I need to overhaul my facebook page.