forget chemist, i should've been a ballerina

Last week we survived a hurricane and hosting a Halloween party, so it was a success! Now we have enough cereal, granola bars, bottled water, and canned beans to last us until the next hurricane comes along. Just kidding, the bottled water will last the rest of our lives since we never actually drink it.

We watched a good amount of tv/movies this week since we never lost power. We finally saw "Moonrise Kingdom." Someone please remind me next September that I want to be Suzy for Halloween 2013. That blue eyeshadow just really makes me happy, and I haven't put mine to good use since ballroom (> 2 year old eyeshadow = gross?). We also watched "First Position," the documentary about kids competing in the Youth America Grand Prix ballet competition, and it was fantastic. So much beautiful dancing, and the kids were so adorable. We discovered that the dance studio, the Rock School which we drive past every Sunday on our way to church is actually pretty legit. Way to go, Philly!

If you need more convincing to watch it, here's the trailer:

Hope you had a lovely Halloween! We're still eating homemade oreos, pumpkin cupcakes, and candy corn so we're still enjoying it.

and learn our souls are all we own

It makes me really happy to know that people can move like this. 

How good is that Ingrid song? I love her. 

(Thanks for the tv suggestions! I think I need to watch Downton Abbey, but I doubt I'll be able to convince Aaron to watch with me because he hates it when people speak in accents (???) )

caramel apples

On bad days I like to pull on my warmups and remember that one time I was a Blackpool champion.

(oops, closed my eyes in this shot)

What a seriously awesome summer I had.

Today I was talking with my relief society president, and she asked me what my goals were. And I realized that in the span of three months I'd sort of accomplished every major goal I've had since 5th grade:

Win at Blackpool
Live in France
Get engaged (eventually married in 50 days!!)

So...I'm a pretty lucky girl I guess. And even on days when I cry all through inorganic because of disappointing test scores I've got the best fiancé ever to put me back together and then spend Friday night helping me study for Saturday's test.

Lucky lucky lucky.

This is everything I remember from 09.18.2010

It all started with a perfect bun.

Frisbee game. The Deprotonators won again. Natalie took pictures, Brooklyn wore that adorable flouncy aqua skirt.

Borrowing Amy's lipstick again. Amy borrowing my eyelash glue.

Dancing. Being okay.

My mom crying.

Lying on the floor during cool down for the matinee performance, being not okay.

Going to Zupas. Eating salad (when do I ever get salad?). No ring at Wilson Diamonds.

Falling apart while writing a thank you note to Lee and Linda. Aaron calling. Me putting myself back together.

"My family wants to take pictures at the temple."
                   "Like this?"

"Are you serious?"

One knee.
"One thing ends, another begins."
Dave taking pictures. Me wearing sunglasses and smashing my fake eyelashes in funny directions. Wearing my European outfit-Becky's flowered aqua shirt, tucked in, shorts with the skinny brown belt.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Everyone knew except me.

"Guess what?!" in the green room.

Whatever you're celebrating, stop for devotional.

"I'm engaged!!!!!"

Last show. As close to perfect as it was going to get. A tender mercy. No falls. Nothing shaky.
Shannon grabbing me from the dressing room. A good luck card from the team. Crying again. Ruined eyeliner for the 109234012834 time today.
Safety Dance Glee finale.
Sheer joy.

So many friends and family. Three bouquets. Me, Becky, and Mom. Crying all over again.
Matching Aaron's green polo.
Not knowing what to feel.

Putting away costumes. Good bye green Kaboom dress. Good bye lindy costume I never wore.

Dairy Queen (= glorified soft serve? Why did I never notice that as a 12 year-old?)
Blizzard. Freezing. Aaron's suitcoat.
Retelling "the story"
I told it different every time. Included the phone call, the Zupas lunch. Left them out.

Is it bad that I can't even remember the rest of that night? Calling Kim, Jody, Alyssa.
I opened the time capsule I made as a MIA maid. I wanted to name my children Madison and Tyler. I wanted my husband to have good sense of style so he could help me decorate our house.

I took out the bun. And fell asleep wearing a ring.

quarter life crisis

I wish my grandma was here, because if she was she'd tell me I was awesome and that I could do it.
And I'd believe it when she said it.

Meh.

Maybe in the future I will write something positive for once?

purple, black, and blue for you

This started out as a post about the p90x I've been doing every morning at 6 AM with a bunch of chemistry friends and Shannon from dance, but it somehow morphed into a long plug for:

Blackpool Pre Tour Show! Next Saturday, May 14th!

Tickets are $12.00 and yesterday the box office released all of the really good reserved seats that the dancers' families didn't buy, SO you should all run over to the HFAC and purchase some tickets because this show is going to be incredible. The latin medley rocks because we have giant shiny discs for skirts and feathers up the front and back of our dresses, the music is incredible (thank you Mr. Kurt Bestor) and Cirque de Soleil-esque, and we have absolutely amazing choreography (thank you Eugene and Maria!). Also, I am a bookend, and by bookend I mean I get lifted way up in the air at the very beginning and very end of the routine, waving my arms around and looking intense and exotic. So, if for nothing else, please come and watch me in my two moments of glory.

Seriously guys, the medley will never look this good again. And this is probably the peak of the peak of my dancing ability (am planning on being done with individuals after Blackpool) so...if you are my friend...and are still around for the summer...it would really mean a lot if you could come watch.

Anyway.
I hurt from the lethal combo of p90x and 3-6 hours of dance every day.
But it is all worth it, right?
I just wish you all could see the bruises on my legs (I am in serious pain from the preparation for the Pre Tour Show! Look at the sacrifice I'm making for you to see some rad dancing! Do not make me suffer in vain!). They are everywhere, and it is really funny.

And...that's all I have to say about that.

I slept through the afternoon session of conference and got 6 tattoos today.*

This is me encouraging all of you who are in the area to attend the ballroom dance concert this weekend as we celebrate the 50 year anniversary of the program!



Dates: April 9th and 10th
Time: 7:30 both nights, 2:00 Saturday matinee
Cost: $12 (which is more than worth it to see the 27 consecutive times national formation team champions)
Place: Marriott Center


If you're interested and want tickets, post a comment, give me a text, call, email, or facebook message. You can buy them online or on the phone, but you'll get charged an extra few bucks as a service fee. The way to avoid that is to go to the Marriott Center in person, but if you contact me, I'll go do that for you. :)

There you have it! Come and support the arts, feel cultured, and be highly entertained!

*I really wanted to use this as a facebook status because I found it highly amusing, but needed to use that space to advertise for concert as well, so there you go. The 6 tats are temporary Easter ones from my girl's night out relief society activity this evening. Oh, and I've been sleep deprived for a month, (3 almost all nighters this week alone) so that's my excuse for the first half.

aftermath

There is nothing in the world a little graham canyon ice cream, stupid movie featuring Rory Gilmore, "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas, and some awesome roommates won't cure.

I'm convinced.

On a happy note, I'm getting a full tuition ballroom scholarship next year. So even if I fail all of my classes and lose my academic one, I'll still be getting paid to go to school. Thank you donor!

no comment

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And she fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And she goes...
Nobody knows

february air

Tonight, I would just like to stop feeling like I'm dragging myself through everything.

I would also just like to stop being afraid of life in general.

The end.

have a little faith

"It's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worth cause, who at best knows achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place will never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

-Theodore Roosevelt

via a card from Laura. What a perfect quote! Thank you!

I am feeling much better mostly for two reasons:

1. Because of a tremendous outpouring of love and support from my mom, roommates, teammates, friends, and coaches. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I really, really appreciate it.

2. During my mad scramble this morning to see if there was any possible way I could still apply for an internship I discovered that the deadline was extended to December 1st. Miracle of miracles, I still have the chance to at least be considered for this amazing opportunity!

More than anything, I guess this weekend has been a testament to me that I don't need to freak out. Things will be okay, and whether the definition of okay matches with mine or not is not important. This time it did (minus the fact that there was no way to go back and redance the competition), but it won't always in the future. And I have to accept that. Heavenly Father has a plan for me, like he does for each of you, and if I'm doing what I can to live the Gospel, I need never worry about what events or circumstances I have to experience.

That being said, this girl is not going down without a fight.
Bring it on, finals week, scary social situations, and the next round of ballroom competitions (ah?). I'm not dying with the song still in me.

it has commenced...

ballroom season.

the ridiculously long fake nails are on. the two cans of $7 aura hairspray have been bought. the spray tanning sessions are planned. the rush to alter costumes is just now making me anxious.

Friday and Saturday, it is on.

Bring it.

I was going to work on physics homework, but then realized I didn't understand resistivity and got stuck here instead.

Sugar free pudding has no point (if you're going to buy pudding, why bother trying for healthy?) and almost no taste. I wish I'd remembered this while grocery shopping on Friday.

A big thank you to everyone who came to our mocktail extravaganza for Laura's birthday on Saturday! If you weren't there, you missed some awesome drinks including: Upside Slammer with a Twist, Mocktinis, Strawberry Daiquiri, Peach Pina Colada, NCMO on the Beach, Au Pair, Everything but the Kitchen Sink, Twisted Brown Cow, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, Pop-n-Rock, Screwdriver, Kamikaze, Death by Chocolate, Spicy Shirley Temple, and more...to the total of 21 completely unique mocktails. Yes, we are that cool.

If you're wondering what to make for dinner, why don't you check out our new dinner group blog for recipes? Let me say I am oh so very glad that our apartment decided to do this. Thanks to Avenues 123 guys for inviting us!

Conference was awesome. Can't wait for the November Ensign to come out so I can attack it with a highlighter. I'm feeling a tad guilty for falling asleep not once, not twice, but three times, once per session for every session except Saturday morning. Oops. That's what the mp3 files online are for...

Little Bec Bec is dancing this Thursday at the dance lab, and she looks AMAZING. Oh my greatness, I am so excited to watch her kill everyone in the silver latin competition. I shall be organizing a cheering section for her since I don't actually have to compete due to taking Gold Bar Latin this semester. Yay!

Happy Monday everyone. Hope you all have awesome weeks. :)

THE back to school post

Hey happy blogging buddies. Seeing as it's the third week of school, I suppose it's about time I got around to writing this. I worked very hard to be taking only 14 credit hours this semester, and you know what, I have a lot of time that I'm not spending in class. It's quite nice. I don't know if I'll be able to do this again, but I'm sure enjoying it.

As for classes, I'm only taking four that aren't dance:

Chem 462- Physical Chemistry: Quantum Mechanics
This is probably my favorite class. The professor is super engaging and really good at making something completely obscure and very difficult conceptually easy to "get familiar with" which, combined with twice a week study/homework sessions with my friends, has led to me somewhat "understanding" the material. I think anyway. My first test is next week so we'll see...

Physics 220- Electricity and Magnetism
I swear, I have never learned anything from attending a physics lecture. This semester seems no different. Once again, I'm hoping the physics gods will smile upon me if I can keep my distaste for the subject hidden. It's bearable because my chemistry friends are in it too.
And it's the last physics class I will ever have to take!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!

Rel 353- American Christianity
I think history/social studies was the one subject I never really did enjoy through junior high and high school, so although the subject matter is not incredibly appealing, the professor is CRAZY entertaining, so I like it. Plus Josh is in that class, so you know, that's always good too.

Fren 340- French Literature
So far, it's all right. I got a 97 on the first paper I wrote, and it was not particularly good, so this bodes well for the rest of the semester. It's just fun to listen to French, speak French, read French, write French.

Overall, I love this semester. I think I'm maybe (?) getting a clearer idea of what I want to really study...maybe biophysical chemistry? We shall see.
I'm really liking all of my classes (okay, actually that's a lie when applied to physics), I love the fact that Y Chem is going to be awesome this semester, ballroom is going well (the 3 couple cha-cha I'm in, kid you not, is my absolute favorite routine I've ever been in, and I think you should all come to our concert in April so you can see it because it is going to be sahweet), I'm still dating Josh (in case you were wondering...), I have an iPod that works again (!!), I finally got a parking sticker for a Y lot, World of Dance is over, and all of a sudden this list morphed into a grateful list which sort of deserves its own post, so I'll stop it right there.

Hope the school year is going well for all of you as well!
Happy Tuesday! :)

scatter sunshine

"I am glad that you are young, and I hope you are enthusiastic, because there is a terrible ailment of pessimism in the land. It’s almost endemic. We’re constantly fed a steady and sour diet of character assassination, faultfinding, evil speaking of one another. . . . The tragedy is that this spirit of negativism seems to prevail throughout the country. . . .

I come this evening with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I’m suggesting that we accentuate the positive. I’m asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. . . .

My dear young friends, don’t partake of the spirit of our times. Look for the good and build on it. There is so much of the sweet and the decent and the good to build upon.

You are partakers of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel means “good news.” The message of the Lord is one of hope and salvation. The voice of the Lord is a voice of gladness. The work of the Lord is a work of glorious and certain reward. I do not suggest that you simply put on rose-colored glasses to make the world look rosy. I ask, rather, that you look above and beyond the negative, the critical, the cynical, the doubtful, to the positive."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

I think that I'm guilty of this from time to time, especially when life gets stressful. I start thinking of all the opportunities of things that I get to do as burdens that I "have" to do. I don't have to study French and chemistry, I don't have to be on the ballroom dance tour team, I don't have to go to school at all. But I've chosen to take advantage of these opportunities. When things get hard I need to remember how blessed I am for having the chance to participate in all of these things. I won't be doing this forever, I won't be here forever. I need to enjoy it while I am.

Goal: No more complaints about dance or school for the rest of the week.

wrap up

I'm home! Burbank was very chill and very fun. Did the whole Venice Beach thing again (and ate at that one awesome little cafe with the delicious BLTs. It's become my own tradition now), went shopping on Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena (3 cheers for H&M and a good Forever 21!), ate taquitos and bought ceramic chili peppers on Olvera Street, saw Harry Potter twice, discovered this delightful and incredibly good Chinese restaurant a few minutes from my grandma's house, and saw American Ballet Theatre (one of the top companies in the world) perform Romeo and Juliet. It was beautiful. I thought that I'd get a little bored (it's 2 hours and 55 minutes long with two 20 minute intermissions), but I was completely enthralled the entire time. It clipped right along, with no 20 minute pas-de-deux or anything. It was highly dramatic with all the emotion that Harry Potter lacked. :)

It is, however, nice to be home. I'm looking forward to a roadtrip with the girls this weekend, having Kellie stay in my room, going to Park City with Josh, working in the lab again, and TAing for next week's dance camp.
Cheers!

let me vaguely explain

This is why I sometimes hate dance:

You put so much of yourself into what you do. It's an art, right? And you use it as an outlet to express yourself, so when you get rejected, it SUCKS. And it really, really hurts (ex: post about sytycd auditions/dance year of '08 that I ended up deleting because it was so bitter and sad and...meh).
And it's all so subjective and political. If you don't know the right people, forget about it. If you don't have the right look, if you're not skinny enough, if you're not considered "righteous" enough, etc, too bad. It seems like this goes for alllll the companies here.

Dance is such a freaking rollercoaster! GAhhhhhhhhh. I can't even remember all of the times that I've ended up crying at stupid competitions. Sometimes they're happy tears, like nationals '08 when we made the amateur latin semi. Sometimes they're not, like at the California Open in '06 (?) when we were the only ones not to make the next cut. I sat there watching everyone else dance the quarter (yeah, way pathetic) with tears streaming down my face. So stupid! It's just a competition. But when you spend so much time and money and energy on it, it becomes a lot more.

Too much too much too much.
It's all one giant game of chess.

EDIT: Thanks for all of the uber nice comments guys! I love you all. However, this post wasn't actually written about me. For once, I'm actually liking where I stand with dance right now. This was for my little sister, whom I love very, very dearly and who is an absolutely beautiful dancer who seems to have hit a string of bad luck. Bec, I'm so so so sorry.

Isn't she stunning?

it's a song on rockband

Sometimes, I really hate my college's dance program. Like today.
More details when I can think straight...?

That was supposed to be much more enjoyable

Sometimes I'm glad that dreams are just dreams.
I don't really remember what my rational was when I decided this morning to sleep through religion. Was it worth it? Ummm...nope. I spent the next hour dreaming with a feeling of total creepiness and darkness. It wasn't even that anything really scary happened, everything just felt so off and unsettling...I was babysitting Meg's Russian cousins (pretty sure she doesn't have any...)while they moved all of their stuff into an elevator in the dance building on campus so they could move here, but no one was coming back so I could leave and go to lunch with Kim and Jordan, and then I was rushing to a ballroom comp at some high school where it was like small groups competiting on the floor at the same time (one guy and two girls, three girls together, etc). Our event was coming up, so I ran to get changed into the black latin dress I'm going to buy, but I couldn't decide which fishnets to put on- black or caramel? Then I realized the window was wide open, there were no blinds, and some guy with a camera was sitting in his car. I went somewhere else to get changed and realized I needed to go to my car, which when I got to it had some creepo guy in it who told me I had a nice car (well that's for surely a lie, I love my car and all, but it's like 10 years old), and then told me he was taking it. So I grabbed my coat and math book (I'm not taking math) from the front seat and watched him drive away. I went to tell my parents and they were basically like, "Hmmm, that's too bad." Then, I was someplace with arches that was supposed to be the chemistry building and I was handed a white envelope (that looked exactly like one of those dance scholarship envelopes) that told me I got a chemistry scholarship and that I got a locker on campus in some building I'd never heard of. That was happy and all until I found out my friend got one too, but not for as much, and she kept asking me how much mine was, and I didn't want to tell her because I didn't want her to feel bad...
And I wrote this immediately upon waking.
Apparently I am:
afraid of being locked into responsibilities
anxious about nationals and fishnets
worried about my car
nervous about scholarships

Hmm. Pretty much sums it up.

just kidding. I'm not that worried about my car. The fishnets though, that decision is freaking me out.

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

So after two somewhat depressing and cynical posts, here is a happy one:

I like lists, so I'm making a list of things I like:
lists (hehe)*ballroom*French*chemistry*harvest peach yogurt*grilled pineapple at Tucanos*talking about plans for the future*reading Amy Tan and Chaim Potok novels*getting my hair and makeup done for comps*the smell of recently mowed lawns*listening to Kate Nash*getting mail*going to IKEA*studying on the 3rd floor of the BNSN*dancing dancing dancing*sleeping*jelly shoes*cardigans*headbands*big earrings*seeing movies at midnight*wakeboarding and boating*beating boys on tests (the next time I get a high score on a chem test I'm writing a blog called "Silly boys, science is for girls!" It's going to be fabulous.)*watching "Gilmore Girls"*acting spazzy*eating at the MOA cafe*cute cups and bowls*reading blogs*photos*traveling*lasertag*finding cool poems*learning something new in church*being with friends*the smell of fake tan and aura hairspray*rereading favorite books (ie Ender's Game, pretty sure I've read that one 7 times, and it still never gets old.)*buying music on itunes*trying out recipes*not math*playing Nerts*yoga*laughing at inside jokes*being in my apartment (as ghetto as it is...)

You know, when I really think about it, I love my life. There is nothing I'd rather be doing than going to BYU, taking the classes I'm taking (except for math 113), knowing the people I know, having the friends and family that I have, being on the ballroom team, etc etc. I like where I am. And if a D on a math test and no longer dancing with the same amazing partner that I at least got to dance with for a year is all I have to complain about, then that's really nothing at all. I'm so blessed. C'est belle la vie, n'est-ce pas? Life is beautiful.