3 for 3

Oh, and I got good news in a letter last night!

I got accepted into Wash U's masters (is there an apostrophe there? I can never decide) in teaching program!
And I have until April 15th to decide what exactly it is that I will be doing for the next 2-5 years of my life, oh, and what exactly I want to do for a career.

AhhhhhHHHhhhhhhhh.
Too indecisive for such deadlines!

decisions, decisions

So, I've been scouring etsy for the past three weeks looking for a printable wedding invitation pdf that I really, really like, and I've found several. This one, however, is my favorite:

I can change the colors to match the dark navy, slate grey, and ivory theme I've got going on, which is awesome. What's not so awesome is the price...$75 for just the pdf file! What do you guys think? Is it worth it? Or should I just go with this one (for a lovely $25):

Thoughts?

quarter life crisis

I wish my grandma was here, because if she was she'd tell me I was awesome and that I could do it.
And I'd believe it when she said it.

Meh.

Maybe in the future I will write something positive for once?

somewhere in between

Just for today I would like to stop suffocating under the weight of to-do lists, unpacked boxes, unworked hours, and decisions.

So I did. I read Mockingjay until noon and then went to Jamba Juice with Kellie.

And then I came home and fell apart.

The end.

up and up?

Curse this 8 hour time difference!!

I just got an email informing me of my chemistry TA position, and I need some feedback here!!

Also, I need to decide once and for all what I am doing with my schedule this fall.

It's okay though, because in 24 hours I will already be in the Paris airport ready to take off for back home.

WOOoooo!!

american dream

Blackberry bushes in the backyard
A white picket fence
Children running through the halls
Deep blue shutters
A room full of books
PhD diploma on the wall.

if it kills me

I SWEAR I'M NEVER GOING TO GRADUATE.

That's all I have to say about that.

Actually, I have a lot to say about that, but it hurts to much to think about and then I'd have to pull up my life plan excel spreadsheet and start rambling off on chemistry classes with scary names, and study abroad, and ballroom tours, and it just wouldn't make any sense to anyone but my mom (and maybe Josh).

Let me just complain once again about how nervous I am about this semester and what I'm supposed to be doing and blah blah blah blah blah.

I need a nap.

The problem is, I liked all my classes too much and therefore want to take them all.

I want to flip open my text book and find a handwritten message.
I want to look up and see a plane writing it in the sky.
I want to trip over a rock and find it in sidewalk chalk.

"You need to take [insert class here]. It will be the most beneficial to you and make you happiest this semester.

-God"

I hope that's not too sacrilegious of me...

Alas, I fear this is one of those take-a-step-into-the-dark-and-then-figure-out-whether-you've-made-the-right-choice type of deals. Ugh. Help.

455? 462? 220? 391? 481? 120? 340? 361?

Seeing as there is less than a week until classes start, I should probably figure out what I want to take (and major in).

Hmmm...

nah.

I wish you couldn't figure me out, but you'd always want to know what I was about.

WARNING: Obscure, vague, and slightly emo blog ahead. Read at your own risk.

GAhhhhh

I don't really know how to phrase everything that's going through my mind right now, and I'm not sure if I really want to sort through it all...but alksdhah;cba;hcaewsdh! Meh. I'm all jazzed up and antsy and I'm waiting again! I hate waiting! I just want to know what's going to happen next year, and I want to be settled. It's like last year, hovering over the giant black abyss that is my future (oh boy, now I'm getting dramatic...gah) not sure how the pieces are all going to fit together. And I know that things will come together, because they always do, but I just hate not knowing how. I feel stuck somewhere in between. I want to be on one side or the other! No more of this no man's (is that one word?) land. I just...meh.

Have you guys heard the song "Nicest Thing" by Kate Nash? I swear it is the most depressing song I have ever heard:

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.

I wish I was your favourite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me, (Katie's comment: GAH! knife through the heart right there!)
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

All I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen;
I wish that we could see if we could be something

And that song has nothing to do with the above, but they both sort of give the same "gahh" contraction in your stomach kind of feeling. And for the second time in this post, let me just say "meh."

I'm Not Going to Write You a Love Song

You know what I realized, there are some things in life that you will never be able to do.
It kills me to think that because I have always been the type of person who deep down inside believes she can do anything. If I had wanted to get into Harvard, I could've done it. If I had truly wanted to make a youth final at Nationals, with enough practice and privates, I could've done it.

And then I realized that I will never be able to dance like some people. I have never had the opportunity to train for years with top coaches. I have never had the financial means to fly all over the world to compete and get lessons. And I never will. I realize that you don't have to be rich to become a great dancer or anything. But I realize that you have to put everything into it. If it's what you really want, that's all you do. And I can't figure out what I want out of my life, and I feel like I'm wasting my time going through the motions! If I could just pick that thing to pour all my energy and resources into....but I'm an indecisive pisces and I never know exactly what I want. I've just got all these vague ideas of grandeur and prestige, etc, etc.

Meh. That's all I have left to say.