Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
High school is to me a slurpee and an old-fashioned Krispy Kreme donut from Common Cents, sitting in the open trunk of Jordan's jeep parked on the Indiana Jones hill, doing chemistry problems in Mrs. Snow's room at lunch, the smell of fake tan, rhinestone glue, and Aura lavender freezing hairspray, kissing cars with bright red lipstick, sitting at "the cool table", rebelling against "the cool table", and then sitting back at "the cool table" again. It's AP tests in the cafeteria, and dances in the gym, and sitting on the stairs signing yearbooks. It's mechanical pencils that slowly run out of lead and 10 cent notebooks that slowly fill up with notes. It's figuring out who you are and what you wanted out of life (nevermind the fact you would get to college and realize you were probably wrong about both). It's speaking French in Nate's car with Kim knowing he couldn't speak a word, scavenger hunting around the neighborhood sticking our toes in the canal and asking if we can borrow an elevator. It's sledding on Oak Canyon's hill, exchanging books (well, mostly just borrowing all of Alyssa's), perfecting the art of flipping a tube with Amanda in the wave pool at Seven Peaks without getting caught . It's scripture studies on select Sunday nights, and spring break in California, and choir tour in Chicago.
It ends with graduation, speaking, tears, shopping at IKEA for strainers and curtains, nothing sinking in until it's the day before Jody and Kim are leaving for Utah State, and you're sobbing-not just crying, you are gasping for breath and heaving trying to control yourself-on your porch because for the first time you realize that life is never going to be quite the same. High school is over. It's now just a delicate string of memories, a seemingly unconnected conglomeration of people, smells, and activities that are only significant to me. All things are delicately interconnected, if only in our minds.
Now if that wasn't emo enough for you...go listen to Green Day or something. :)
And PS, I love college. I'm not sitting here pining away for high school; I just miss the SA girls. beaucoup.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
I hope you appreciate the effort it took to write this blog. I'm currently wearing cat woman-like nails.
P.S. New Life Goal:
I'm going to live in California at least once, and also somewhere on the east coast.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
by Rita Dove
In math I was the whiz kid, keeper
of oranges and apples. What you don’t understand,
master, my father said; the faster
I answered, the faster they came.
I could see one bud on the teacher’s geranium,
one clear bee sputtering at the wet pane.
The tulip tree always dragged after heavy rain
so I tucked my head as my boots slapped home.
My father put up his feet after work
and relaxed with a highball and The Life of Lincoln.
After supper we drilled and I climbed the dark
before sleep, before a thin voice hissed
numbers as I spun on a wheel. I had to guess.
Ten, I kept saying, I’m only ten.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
And after that horribly depressing post it would be nice to have a happy thought, so here's my current obsession list:
the timeless obsessions:
My jacket from ae
My new latin dress
PS 10 literature points for you if you know why the title of this blog is what it is
You know what I realized, there are some things in life that you will never be able to do.
It kills me to think that because I have always been the type of person who deep down inside believes she can do anything. If I had wanted to get into Harvard, I could've done it. If I had truly wanted to make a youth final at Nationals, with enough practice and privates, I could've done it.
And then I realized that I will never be able to dance like some people. I have never had the opportunity to train for years with top coaches. I have never had the financial means to fly all over the world to compete and get lessons. And I never will. I realize that you don't have to be rich to become a great dancer or anything. But I realize that you have to put everything into it. If it's what you really want, that's all you do. And I can't figure out what I want out of my life, and I feel like I'm wasting my time going through the motions! If I could just pick that thing to pour all my energy and resources into....but I'm an indecisive pisces and I never know exactly what I want. I've just got all these vague ideas of grandeur and prestige, etc, etc.
Meh. That's all I have left to say.