don't work. be hated. love someone.

I have a feeling that in a couple years anyone who posts a status update about graduating will really get on my nerves. (I am not graduating until at least 2016. Let that sink in.) But since I'm still a bright-eyed and naive first year grad student, I'm happy for you!* In fact, I'm even linking to this convocation talk that's been all over my facebook today:

"What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
....
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it."

The first paragraph resonates a little too true, and the second is just pretty. 

Congrats grads!

*I am not happy for everyone who keeps saying they are done with finals because mine don't finish until May 3rd. My happiness for others' successes only goes so far.

an official med school student

This weekend was the Parents and Partners Day at Penn Med, so I got to attend and get a mini look at what med school will be like for Aaron. (plus, we got free parking in the middle of University City. that'll never happen again!) It was neat to hear about the curriculum, see some demonstrations of their simulators and standardized patients, and go to the white coat ceremony. This was when Aaron got his shorty student white coat (once you get an MD you've earned the right to a full length coat) and legit stethoscope, and recited the Hippocratic Oath.

I know I've already bragged about how great of a med school Penn is, but that was really reaffirmed to me yesterday listening to all of the great things and research they're doing there. I'm really grateful for the chance that Aaron has to get this awesome education. We feel very lucky for all of the opportunities we know this will entail. It was incredible because during the white coat ceremony all 166 entering med school students got up and introduced themselves- name, hometown, university attended, major, year graduated- and nearly all of them had attended Ivy League schools, or universities of equal prestige (UC Berkeley, MIT, etc.). Maybe 30% had also graduated with multiple degrees.
Folks, we're not in Kansas anymore.

putting his white coat on!

look at that nifty stethoscope! a $160 value!

i am also hungry. maybe that's why i'm so cranky.

When I was in high school, I took a lot of AP classes. I also did a bunch of distance learning classes, earning college credit. I came to college with 42 hours of credit already earned. If I had known this was going to cost me $2500, maybe I would've thought twice about being an overachiever.

To qualify for a government education grant, you have to meet certain requirements, including being below 180 credit hours. I think the point of that is to stop handing out money to people who just sit in college forever, taking classes but not making any progress toward graduation. And that makes sense to me. But I have not been in college forever. I graduated in 8 semesters and one term (which is much fewer than many people). There was only 1 semester I took less than 15 credit hours. I was on the ballroom dance team. I had a French minor. I was a freaking chemistry major!

I am just frustrated. Silly me, thinking I should try to learn as much as possible and do as much as possible in school. Should've dropped the French minor like my advisor told me. (not. I loved my French classes.)

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

childish rant.

I do not like psychology. I do not like my stupid ebook. I do not like my weekly quizzes. I do not like my detail oriented tests. I do not think it is a science, despite the lecture designed to convince us it is.
If dream analysis is still considered a valid activity, then I am so out of here.

Get out of my life, Sigmund Freud!!!!

light at the end of the tunnel

We graduated!*

Well, Aaron did, officially. I just got to dress up in all of my graduation outfit glory and walk. Aaron spoke at graduation, and he did was awesome. I am just so proud of that guy! Seriously guys, I need to brag about him right now. He graduated with a B.S. in chemistry with a 4.0, in addition to TAing over 5 semesters and doing research in spectroscopy during the school year. He got accepted into 3 of the top 5 medical schools in the country. He got the organic chemistry student of the year sophomore year, physical chemistry student of the year junior year, inorganic chemistry student of the year and outstanding senior award senior year. He worked so hard for all of this! And he did it! And I'm so proud of him!

*end bragging*

It's weird, you know, being this close to done with my undergraduate education. It all went by so fast. Seems like last week I was living in the dorms in the flooding basement and watching "Scrubs" every Wednesday night with Amanda. I guess it's sort of good this way, because it doesn't feel like I'm done with university life yet. And I'm not. I've got another 5+ years ahead of researching, taking classes, TAing, doing homework, writing papers, etc. I like that idea.


But what campus is it that I'll be wandering around? I think we'll have a video announcement coming up on Monday?


*still have three classes left to knock out this semester: psychology, biochemistry 1, and French civ

i just can't take any more transcription initiation factors.

Sometimes, it is really hard to concentrate when I'm studying biochemistry because I just feel like I'm looking at a craft catalog the entire time.

Evidence:

If that doesn't just scream ribbon explosion, I don't know what does.

(figures of proteins. which ones, I don't know, which is probably why I'm going to fail my biochem final tomorrow)

the third and final continent

"While astronauts, heroes forever, spent mere hours on the moon, I have remained in this new world for nearly thirty years. I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only man to seek his fortune far from home, and certainly I am not the first. Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri

I love this quote. Somehow I feels like it fits with the end of the semester and being almost done (in June) with college. Me graduating with a chemistry is quite ordinary, but I am bewildered by what all has gone into the past four years of my life. Sometimes it was sucky, sometimes it was awesome, but it was always worth it.

*Also, if you haven't read any of Jhumpa Lahiri's books, you absolutely need to. Unaccustomed Earth is also fantastic. I have yet to find any other writer who can describe everyday, normal life in such a beautiful way. Love love love her. (And she's a Pulitzer Prize winner, so I'm not the only one who does!)

clever

Gearing up for the first test in American Heritage we watched this video:

And I thought it was pretty funny. I mean, colonists singing "Apologize" to King George? Why didn't I think of that?
This class is growing on me a little bit. We had a discussion about school vouchers last week, and it was actually really interesting. Anyone have an opinion on this topic? Turns out I run a tad bit anti-voucher. But I think that's a post for another day.

Happy Friday!

tonight's playlist:

"Go Getta" by Young Jeezy

"Magic" by B.O.B.

"Whip My Hair" by Will Smith's baby girl

(i seriously want to be one of the little kids in this video, whipping my rad hair all over the place. party!)

Trying to get pumped about taking test 1 for Math 302 tomorrow.

I think I need a dance party break.

time to start drawing death to the textbook doodles

Really? How many times am I going to incorrectly add -5 and 3? And after how many tries on the same six problems can I just give up, get a bad score, and go to bed?

Ah yes, about 3 tries ago. Awesome. Good freaking night.

i'm a senior in a freshman class. don't worry, i love it.

Aaron and I are starting to think that the whole American Heritage (me) and Econ 110 (him) are soooo hard!!! thing is just a myth perpetuated by bitter freshmen. Maybe it's just because it's the second week of the semester. Or the fact that it felt like EFY when my professor asked a couple students to come up to the front of the class (of 300+ freshmen) and tell us all their dreams and goals ("solve the energy crisis! go on a mission! get married! have a family!"). Or the fact that the reading required for last week's lecture was a grand total of six pages. SIX PAGES. Shall we compare that to my biochem reading for last Friday? We shall. Five chapters of skimming and one chapter of in-depth reading. That brings us to a total of 116 pages.

I'm sure things will get more difficult. But sometimes I just think after surviving all of my chemistry classes that nothing else will seem hard.

Here's an update on mine and Aaron's plans for the next year:
He's already been accepted into Washington University in St. Louis, and we're waiting to hear back from U Penn in Philadelphia. We're pretty much set on going to one of those two schools. I've applied to the chemistry PhD program at Wash U and Penn, as well as the master's in teaching program at Wash U.

It's weird actually, because by the time June rolls around I will have accomplished every major life goal I've ever had,* and I sort of don't know what to do with myself after that. Get a PhD (if that's what I end up deciding I actually want to do). Have kids. And make sure they're good kids. That's about all I've got. Maybe I'll take up wake kiting or something (right, Jody?)

Thoughts? On American Heritage, adding to your bucket list, or life in general?

*These include:
winning at Blackpool
living in France
getting married
graduating from college

meh

I like how eating nothing but pizza, chocolate, and a cream cheese danish and fantasizing over buying clothes I can't afford is how I choose to be self-destructive. 

Man, I am a rebel.

If anyone is looking/knows someone who's looking for housing...well...I've got a contract that I'm desperate to sell. It's in a beautiful house a couple blocks from campus, and I'll write you a $500 bonus check if you'll buy it from me. Click here for the craig's list ad with all the info.

Thanks in advance!

maybe i should've checked the syllabus

Turns out the paper wasn't due until this afternoon.

Oh well. Gotta have an [almost] all-nighter at least once a semester, right?

plasmons and phototherapy

I am having horrible flashbacks to 391 (go here, here, or here for a taste of what that was like)
because it is 4:50 AM, and I'm still working on my paper for chem 514. It's actually pretty interesting, because wouldn'tcha know I picked an awesome group on the periodic table (copper, silver, and gold) for my topic.
There are so many cool applications of gold nanoparticles! You can do tumor cell imaging! And then proceed to selectively kill the tumor cells!

But I would really, really, really like to go to bed now.
Only 3.5 more pages...

get that corn outta my face

I dream in chemistry all the time these days. A couple weeks ago I was measuring concentrations using a spectrophotometer but in my dream I thought I was doing Raman spectroscopy. And then like two days ago I dreamed about NMR and figuring out structures of organic compounds.


but. i still. do. terrible. on instrumental. analysis. tests.


and i still. do. awesome. on verbal sections of practice GRE tests.


Sometimes, you know what, I feel like Nacho Libre:
"Precious Father, why have you given me this desire to wrestle and then made me such a stinky warrior?"


It's just disappointing that I finally found out that it makes no difference whether I'm up to my eyes in ballroom or not, I still don't have the self-discipline and motivation to do well in school.

delicious imagery for your monday evening

"There is nothing that exists separate from me, Arjuna. The entire universe is suspended from me as my necklace of jewels. Arjuna, I am the taste of pure water and the radiance of the sun and moon. I am the sacred word and the sound heard in air, and the courage of human beings. I am the sweet fragrance in the earth and the radiance of fire; I am the life in every creature and the striving of the spiritual aspirant."

-The Bhagavad Gita

(thank you very much Philosophy 210)

booya

This is basically how I feel right because guess what.
French paper = DONE.

also, i feel so cool because i just barely figured out how to embed videos in my posts. as in, this is the first time i've successfully displayed a video for you to watch dear readers. soooo behind on technology!!

pourquoi apprendre l'américain? demain, on parlera l'occitan!

whyyyyyyyyyyohwhyyyyyyyydidithinkitwouldbeagoodideatowriteafifteenpagepaperinfrenchaboutoccitanculture?

bleh.

the end.

quoi le heck

Avoiding working on my Occitan paper feels like the kind of rebellion I never indulged in during high school.

Sigh.

If I just ignore it, maybe it'll write itself.

I can't help it if all I want to do is pick out flowers and reception centers!

Mrs. Jensen, I still remember it

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 


-William Ernest Henley