You put so much of yourself into what you do. It's an art, right? And you use it as an outlet to express yourself, so when you get rejected, it SUCKS. And it really, really hurts (ex: post about sytycd auditions/dance year of '08 that I ended up deleting because it was so bitter and sad and...meh).
And it's all so subjective and political. If you don't know the right people, forget about it. If you don't have the right look, if you're not skinny enough, if you're not considered "righteous" enough, etc, too bad. It seems like this goes for alllll the companies here.
Dance is such a freaking rollercoaster! GAhhhhhhhhh. I can't even remember all of the times that I've ended up crying at stupid competitions. Sometimes they're happy tears, like nationals '08 when we made the amateur latin semi. Sometimes they're not, like at the California Open in '06 (?) when we were the only ones not to make the next cut. I sat there watching everyone else dance the quarter (yeah, way pathetic) with tears streaming down my face. So stupid! It's just a competition. But when you spend so much time and money and energy on it, it becomes a lot more.
Too much too much too much.
It's all one giant game of chess.
EDIT: Thanks for all of the uber nice comments guys! I love you all. However, this post wasn't actually written about me. For once, I'm actually liking where I stand with dance right now. This was for my little sister, whom I love very, very dearly and who is an absolutely beautiful dancer who seems to have hit a string of bad luck. Bec, I'm so so so sorry.
Isn't she stunning?
8 comments:
Who would possibly "reject" you?! I guess that I am just incredibly lost and need a little bit of clarification. Because, simply put, I can't believe that things could go wrong for you right now in Ballroom. You are pretty much AMAZING.
you ARE amazing, katie. but i agree with you on this: i hate the politics, too.
yeah, I don't know what you're necessarily talking about, so from my limited point of view into your situation, I feel like you have so much going for you with ballroom. Then again, I'm not aware of everything you're dealing with. But I will tell you how I'm feeling. I'm quite visibly a certain way in front of virtually everybody. I'm intense, I like to have a good time, and I want to be the best (doesn't mean I think I mean--I just want so desperately to improve). I don't think that would surprise anybody.
But a few people see how vulnerable I can be (for example, I think Zach and Travis Sorensen know that side of me better than any other person currently in the program), it's a side that's difficult for me to show for a lot of reasons.
So here we are, move ups are coming, I'm not all that great of a ballroom dancer. I'm getting better. I work hard. I want it. I'm hoping they look for potential. But of course I'm scared about personality. In pageants, I work just fine. They like my kind of personality because I do my thing, but I like to be real and fun. However, is that really what Curt/Lee/Marci want? They love the Kim Acerson's. But I'm a Natalie Wakefield. And maybe I could try and be Kim, but people would see through it SO fast.
While I try to just be myself, hoping that the politics will fall into place, I can't help but be ridiculously nervous all the time, scared that my personality turns them off.
Whew. Apparently I need to let that out.
ummm can I just say you just summed up my feelings about the ballroom dance company perfectly? Let's not even talk about how many times I had to try out for team.
I think that's one of the reasons that Chase stopped dancing/competiting. You are great Katie! I seriously was cheering for you at nationals! I was in the top section, but I still was screaming my lungs out, hoping that the judges would hear your number and get you picked for the next round! :) I'm sorry you feel rejected.
Katie you are such a beautiful dancer - I'm sure everyone in the ballroom dance world has felt exactly how you have felt at some point. It took me a long time to separate myself from the politics of the dance world and trying to do everything that I thought other people wanted me to do. Did it save me from the heartbreak that dance often brings? No, but it did remind me that it is just a game of chess. There's no point in worrying over the things you can't control, only what you can - loving it, enjoying it, being the best you can, using it for good purposes rather than selfish ones. Its hard to do, but the best things is to just enjoy the gift you've been given and do what you can with it. I hope you are feeling better about it all soon!
Gah. I'm not in dance here, but I have to say, from my previous experience, dance can be like that.
But I must say I am SO shocked that Becky's having a "string of bad luck." I've only seen her dance a few times, and I honestly don't even know how or where. I just remember HER. Ha. :P That's kind of weird... Now that'll bug me all day.
But seriously, she is an AMAZING dancer! I'm seriously amazed. (Both that she's really amazingly good and that she could hit a string of bad luck dealing with her DANCE!)
Meh. If anyone rejects her, they're stupid. Cause that girl's amazing.
(So are you. :) )
holy...yes. I'm sorry for all those feelings! Glad you like the song :) You did so fabulous at the concert...am I allowed to post pictures from it?? I hope to see you soon...love you!
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