pam shortt's broken both her legs and i wanna dance with you!

Last weekend was the first time since 8th grade that I've gone to Dancesport and not competed.

I almost cried, walking into the ballroom and hearing the blaring samba music and seeing everyone in fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake nails, and rhinestones. Under the pressure all of the school and wedding stuff that's been going on I haven't really had time to sit back and miss ballroom. And I didn't realize how much I really do until then. I mean, seriously, is there any better feeling than hearing your name announced as a finalist in amateur latin or standard and walking out on that floor like, Yeah I'm hot, and you know it? 

But here was the other thing, as I sat there watching my friends and sisters dance, I felt disconnected. That isn't my world anymore. I chose to leave on my own terms, and I picked a pretty dang good reason (*cough*Aaron*cough). 

Even if I sort of wish I could participate in all of this glamor and competition again:

So thanks ballroom, for all the good times and even the not-so-good times.

But I think I'll be a [engaged] chemist now.

*Congratulations to everyone who competed! The caliber of dancing was really excellent this year!

the night is darkest just before the dawn

My oscillation between despair and joy continues, as this afternoon I'm feeling significantly better about life.

461 homework is done (thank you thank you thank you Dave).
391 paper is...getting there...
French doesn't feel too daunting
and neither does lab.

So, what did we learn kiddies?
Katie should try harder not to freak out about school all the time.

I read Romans 8 last week, and I really like a lot of the verses in there:

18: For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us.

26: Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

28: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

31: What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can prevail against us?

35: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
37: Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors though him that loved us.
38: For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor pricipalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39: Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

May I add "nor 391 papers, nor 461 homework, nor post lab quizzes, nor sleepless nights, nor feelings of inadequacy shall be able to separate us from the love of God"?

Everything will work out. Things will get better. The semester will end.
I have been so richly blessed. If school is all I have to worry about, life is not so bad.
It's just hard to remember that sometimes.

have a little faith

"It's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worth cause, who at best knows achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place will never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

-Theodore Roosevelt

via a card from Laura. What a perfect quote! Thank you!

I am feeling much better mostly for two reasons:

1. Because of a tremendous outpouring of love and support from my mom, roommates, teammates, friends, and coaches. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I really, really appreciate it.

2. During my mad scramble this morning to see if there was any possible way I could still apply for an internship I discovered that the deadline was extended to December 1st. Miracle of miracles, I still have the chance to at least be considered for this amazing opportunity!

More than anything, I guess this weekend has been a testament to me that I don't need to freak out. Things will be okay, and whether the definition of okay matches with mine or not is not important. This time it did (minus the fact that there was no way to go back and redance the competition), but it won't always in the future. And I have to accept that. Heavenly Father has a plan for me, like he does for each of you, and if I'm doing what I can to live the Gospel, I need never worry about what events or circumstances I have to experience.

That being said, this girl is not going down without a fight.
Bring it on, finals week, scary social situations, and the next round of ballroom competitions (ah?). I'm not dying with the song still in me.