Saturday, June 12, 2010

dear america, i miss you.

This is me apologizing for never blogging on this blog anymore. Ballroom tour has been so crazy, and internet access has been so haphazard...and well, all I have to say these days is my itinerary which is posted on my other blog, so there you go.

But today I was doing some thinking. Do you ever have moments where you feel like you're reliving something? The first couple of performances after we competed at Blackpool, when we danced the latin medley, it was like I was back on that floor at the Winter Gardens, dancing in front of Brian Watson and the rest of the judges. Instead of seeing the audience at the small theatres in London or Sheffield, I was looking out at the Blackpool crowd.

And then yesterday, when we were in Dundee, Scotland taking a walking tour of the city, we walked through a cemetery dating back to the 1500s, and it was like I was in Utah standing at my grandma's grave. I was remembering little details, like all the grandkids pulling out roses to dry and keep from the arrangement on her casket.  I have these moments every so often where I realize she is not here. And sometimes I just can't help but cry all over again.
I just miss her, ya know? And I want her to know that I haven't forgotten her. 
And...it's just like...if this is how I feel, I can't even imagine what my mom or my grandpa feel like. I'm so sorry, I am so sorry.
And I decided that no one else I love is ever allowed to die before me. And I plan on living a long time, so you all better stay healthy, okay?

Cheers, and go read my other blog for a happy post. 

4 comments:

amanda/dave said...

america misses you too! i'm sorry...it's hard to get hit with those thoughts.

ps - throwing a mocktail party and super sad you can't come, BUT, need suggestions from yours...?!

Diane said...

Well I had one of those moments last night and just sobbed my eyes out all over again. I want to tell grandma all about our big trip and what we're all doing and then I remember she's not here and it really hurts and I hate doing life without my mom. But here we are and we have to do it without her and it stinks......but I am excited to see you.

Jody Lynn said...

i love you katie. :)

Ashlan said...

It's good to read a post from you! I'm sorry it's not a happy post, but I have no doubt you are having an amazing time! :)