I have no response

So....
my partner is no longer on the ballroom team.

And I no longer know what I want to do with myself.

My conflict: it's a Blackpool year (which means we travel to the most prestigious ballroom competition in the world in Blackpool, England), and it's always been my dream to compete there. Will my partner be able to fly out just to dance one round? In all likelihood we will not make a single cut...not really worth a $1000 plane ticket. At the same time, I feel burned out. I want to move forward with chemistry and French. I want to make the Dean's List next semester and spend my afternoons and evenings in study groups and in the library, not really so much in a studio. BUT, I also know it would practically kill me to watch Dancesport in November and not be dressed in a $800 costume and a half pound of makeup and hairspray.

Option AI. Keep dancing with same partner. Drag myself through rehearsals and lessons.
Option AII. Keep dancing with same partner. Pray for renewed determination and a major attitude adjustment.

Option B. Beg old partner for forgiveness.

Option CI. Take the year off.
Option CII. Take the year off and dance class routines with some random person on team at Blackpool.

Thoughts?

You know how I was going to go to bed an hour ago? Well...I got this call from a certain Mr. Wakefield...

I wish I could say exactly what just happened. I'll explain in the next few days, I think.
Let me just say that ballroom is never lacking for drama.

And....

maybe...

I am done.

With individuals.

We shall see.

Sick Cycle Carousel

You know what, I really do not like conflict. I don't like deception, I don't like drama. (Ok, sometimes I convince myself that it makes my life exciting, but then I experience it and I hate it.)

You know something else? The awesome thing about being sick is you don't really have any appetite. So if I was sick (which I'm not, of course) then I wouldn't have to worry about cooking or anything (which of course I did when I made...myself....crackers...for dinner?). I wouldn't have to come home between classes to eat lunch, and I wouldn't have to buy anything besides yogurt and aforementioned crackers at the grocery store. Yep, I'd say that would almost make it worth it to be sick. Too bad I'm not.

You can convince yourself of just about anything. I've been practicing real hard.

Hide and Seek

I am busy about everything, and that is exactly my problem.

Nothing's fine, I'm torn.

I wrote up a very long, angry, and bitter post just barely, but it was ridiculous, so let me just say this:

I AM VERY ANGRY AND BITTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Thank you for your time.