Wednesday, May 19, 2010

forget about deal breakers?

I found this article via the incredible blog The Apron Stage:

"My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)"

Very interesting read...what do you guys think? Can you be happy with settling? Or is there something to be said for holding out for exactly what you want?


amanda & dave said...

That's very interesting. here are my thoughts (from someone who feels (or knows) she didn't settle)

1. some things are deal breakers, whether you're 30 and single or not
2. I think if you're actively looking/dating/whatever, you'd find someone who is right (maybe naive?)
3. But I guess if you are 30 and single and really can't find maybe can settle (a la liz lemon) but I really don't think you have to.

I guess if you're looking for a family, then you can find a man you can be happy with...but you shouldn't like pick up the first guy you see:

"I would say even if he’s not the love of your life, make sure he’s someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you"

Lyss said...

Never settle!

I mean think about how brilliant you are and how the guy you marry needs to be brilliant as well.

just my thoughts.

amanda & dave said...

p.s. when I say "you" I'm not directly referring to you. I agree with alyssa, YOU should never settle...and I really don't think anyone should, but maybe it can't be completely ruled out? i dunno.

Matt said...

I don't think she's (or he's?) saying don't have deal breakers. I think she/he is saying is realize that you're not perfect and stop expecting to marry someone who's perfect. Because that's not ever going to happen.

So if someone being not perfect is a deal breaker, then forget about that one. And if marrying someone who's not perfect is settling, then by all means, do.