little rockstar andrus

I just have to brag about my brother again. 

He and his band recorded a single called "Spirals". It's awesome. And you should definitely have a listen (see music player on the left side of the page under the people who like this). 

"We dialed the sun, but where on earth have you been all this time?

Over and done, the squares and circles turning rhythms into rhymes

Sunlight's all over the breeze, whispers fly

The answers are all in the seas, only the moon will cry."

thank you mom for the use of your credit card

Days of Doom:

November 13th (GRE chemistry subject test)

November 20th (GRE general test)

Ahhhh!!!!!!!!

(Except, secretly, I sort of think it will be fun. Because once upon a time I was pretty good at standardized tests.)

like

So I discovered this company {a} vintage poster (via the rockstar diaries blog) that sells these adorable vintage-inspired prints for $15.00

And I love them!

Aren't they adorable? Seriously tempted right now...

if only my debit card hadn't been expired since August.

Maybe this will finally motivate me to take care of that (also so I can register for GRE tests...ugh).

This is everything I remember from 09.18.2010

It all started with a perfect bun.

Frisbee game. The Deprotonators won again. Natalie took pictures, Brooklyn wore that adorable flouncy aqua skirt.

Borrowing Amy's lipstick again. Amy borrowing my eyelash glue.

Dancing. Being okay.

My mom crying.

Lying on the floor during cool down for the matinee performance, being not okay.

Going to Zupas. Eating salad (when do I ever get salad?). No ring at Wilson Diamonds.

Falling apart while writing a thank you note to Lee and Linda. Aaron calling. Me putting myself back together.

"My family wants to take pictures at the temple."
                   "Like this?"

"Are you serious?"

One knee.
"One thing ends, another begins."
Dave taking pictures. Me wearing sunglasses and smashing my fake eyelashes in funny directions. Wearing my European outfit-Becky's flowered aqua shirt, tucked in, shorts with the skinny brown belt.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Everyone knew except me.

"Guess what?!" in the green room.

Whatever you're celebrating, stop for devotional.

"I'm engaged!!!!!"

Last show. As close to perfect as it was going to get. A tender mercy. No falls. Nothing shaky.
Shannon grabbing me from the dressing room. A good luck card from the team. Crying again. Ruined eyeliner for the 109234012834 time today.
Safety Dance Glee finale.
Sheer joy.

So many friends and family. Three bouquets. Me, Becky, and Mom. Crying all over again.
Matching Aaron's green polo.
Not knowing what to feel.

Putting away costumes. Good bye green Kaboom dress. Good bye lindy costume I never wore.

Dairy Queen (= glorified soft serve? Why did I never notice that as a 12 year-old?)
Blizzard. Freezing. Aaron's suitcoat.
Retelling "the story"
I told it different every time. Included the phone call, the Zupas lunch. Left them out.

Is it bad that I can't even remember the rest of that night? Calling Kim, Jody, Alyssa.
I opened the time capsule I made as a MIA maid. I wanted to name my children Madison and Tyler. I wanted my husband to have good sense of style so he could help me decorate our house.

I took out the bun. And fell asleep wearing a ring.

magic*

I did it.

I started two grad school applications today:

Duke and University of Chicago.

I didn't get much further than putting in my name and address.

But I think beginning an application at all is enough scariness for one day.

*Anyone else totally obsessed with this song? You know the one, "I've got the magic in me. Every time I touch that track it turns into gold..." Because I thought it was so obnoxious for about two weeks. And now I love it and play it every time I pull up grooveshark. It's just such a confidence booster or something.

quoi le heck

Avoiding working on my Occitan paper feels like the kind of rebellion I never indulged in during high school.

Sigh.

If I just ignore it, maybe it'll write itself.

I can't help it if all I want to do is pick out flowers and reception centers!

hey, guess what

Aaron likes it so he put a ring on it.

And we are getting married in T = 3 months - 2 days.

As in December 20th, in the Salt Lake Temple.

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

(And I don't have a picture of the ring because my camera charger cord is MIA! :( )

This is like the biggest occasion of my life, so I feel like it deserves this awesomely expressive eloquent post. Hence the reason for it being Wednesday and us getting engaged last Saturday. And yet, I am still without something...pretty? to say.

Can I just say, this year has got to be the most emotionally challenging, crazy-directionally-changing of my whole life? Aaron and I started dating officially last winter semester, my grandma passed away in April, I accomplished two major life goals by winning in Blackpool and living in France, I quit the ballroom team, and I got engaged.

So there you go. I suppose if I don't have anything to say it's because I'm still processing.

Wow. wow. wow. 

Lyrics by Train have been running through my head (thanks to Amanda, hehe):

My feet have been on the floor
Flat like an idle singer
Remember winger
I digress
I confess you are the best thing in my life

But I'm afraid when I hear stories
About a husband and wife
There's no happy endings
No Henry Lee
But you are the greatest thing about me

[Chorus]
If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, Love
That's enough for me

Took a loan on a house I own
Can't be a queen bee without a bee throne
I wanna buy ya everything
Except cologne
'cause it's poison
We can travel to Spain where the rain falls
Mainly on the plain side and sing
'cause it is we can laugh we can sing
Have ten kids and give them everything
Hold our cell phones up in the air
And just be glad we made it here alive
On a spinning ball in the middle of space
I love you from your toes to your face

[Chorus]

You can move in
I won't ask where you've been
'cause everybody has a past
When we're older
We'll do it all over again

When everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
I'm in it for you

If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
Then the rest is just whenever

If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
That's enough for me

Mrs. Jensen, I still remember it

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 


-William Ernest Henley

i love you from your toes to your face

This cute boy interviews at Duke, the dream med school, tomorrow.

Ahhhhhh!!! Prayers and best wishes please! :)

i own this decision

I feel good about quitting. It's been sad (and maybe I almost cry every time I tell someone I'm done), but I feel calm and okay about this. It's like for the first time in my life I decided on one thing I want to do. And I picked chemistry.

This is not to say that my semester will be any easier than usual. In fact, this will probably be the most difficult yet (can't believe I'm saying that after chem 391). I'm TAing (chem 391, of all classes), I'm working in the lab (trying to get enough data for a paper so that I can put that on my application for...), I'm applying to chemistry PhD programs, and I have other things going on that have yet to come to full fruition and so I'll hold off on announcing via blog just yet. 

Oh, and I'm sticking around for World of Dance this week (which means I'll be in the deJong every day from 5-10 this week), I'm taking four chemistry classes (2 lab classes = 13 hours/week, plus chem 521 and chem 514 = not easy), I have a 15 page paper in French on Occitan culture in southern France due in three weeks (that I have yet to actually start writing anything for), I'm (sort of?) the president of Y Chem and have an opening social to plan. 

Life centered around ballroom is over. Being a member of the team has been, without a doubt, the greatest part of my college experience. I am so grateful for the involvement that I have had with the company. Lee and Linda have been incredible to work with, and my teammates have been so wonderful.

I'm really glad that I have one more chance to dance this week during World of Dance.

And it would be really awesome if you guys could come, because this is it for me. This is the end of a ten-year long crazy involvement with ballroom. This is the last time I will be performing, possibly (and probably) forever.

So maybe if you're not doing anything, you could come and see my exit from the art that has held my attention and passion for so long. It would really, really, really mean a lot. 

Here's the website where you can buy tickets if you're interested. 

in case you were wondering:

quitting the dance team does not necessarily lessen your stress levels.

but it does make you cry off and on through 514.

quarter life crisis

I wish my grandma was here, because if she was she'd tell me I was awesome and that I could do it.
And I'd believe it when she said it.

Meh.

Maybe in the future I will write something positive for once?