i love you from your toes to your face

This cute boy interviews at Duke, the dream med school, tomorrow.

Ahhhhhh!!! Prayers and best wishes please! :)

somewhere in between

Just for today I would like to stop suffocating under the weight of to-do lists, unpacked boxes, unworked hours, and decisions.

So I did. I read Mockingjay until noon and then went to Jamba Juice with Kellie.

And then I came home and fell apart.

The end.

le moulin

Quite frankly, I cannot decide what I think about Paris.

It sort of feels like this odd, make-believe world created for me, where people are speaking in French for my benefit and learning. I keep thinking things like,  "Oh, how nice of them to speak French!" and "Wow, it's incredible how many people speak perfect French here!" 

Yeah, no duh.

It used to be that I loved, loved, loved big cities. Staying in the Waldorf Astoria in downtown Manhattan for 10 days was a dream come true when I was fourteen. DC quickly became my favorite city in the world at age sixteen. People would say, "I love visiting cities, but I could never live there," and I'd always think, "I could! I will! And I will love it!" But lately, I think that has changed. In England, it wasn't London that was my favorite place. It was Downham and York and Aberdeen in Scotland, smaller towns (okay, York is still fairly large, but it feels small). Here, in Paris, I love being not down the Champs-Elysees, but in Monmartre, or down the little streets where all of the outdoor markets are near our hotel. 

So I guess that's why I do not know what to make of this place. One second it feels like I'm in New York, and the next it feels like a little village. Keep me in the village, I say. 

Laisse-moi rester dans le petit village?

And another thing I've been musing on. I used to love traveling (and I still very much do), but you know what, three months is a long time to be out of the US of A. And you know what else? I really love America (and maybe a certain boy who lives there). I love our superior plumbing. I love that we have air conditioning. I love that we use paper towels. I love that we speak English. I love that our money doesn't look like Monopoly play money. I love that we have trash cans everywhere in public places. I love that we have decent hamburgers and Mexican food. I love that my family's all there. I love that my friends are all there. I love that my boyfriend's there. I love that my teammates are there. I love that we have mountains there. 

I can do anything...better than anyone...! Go watch Jessica's daily affirmation on youtube to understand that reference.

Anyway. This is not me complaining about Europe, I promise. I almost cried when I saw France out the window of the plane on my way here. I have worked so hard, for so long to get here. This has been my dream since I knew France existed. It is beautiful, and I love love love it.

But I also love other things too.

That is all.

5 days...

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh baby, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go


What a perfect farewell song.The only differences are I know when I'll be back again (August 21st), and I do not hate to go. That being said, it is a tad bittersweet...
and that dang Gattacca quote fits so perfectly.

The end.

forget about deal breakers?

I found this article via the incredible blog The Apron Stage:

"My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)"

Very interesting read...what do you guys think? Can you be happy with settling? Or is there something to be said for holding out for exactly what you want?

february air

Tonight, I would just like to stop feeling like I'm dragging myself through everything.

I would also just like to stop being afraid of life in general.

The end.

deux petites lettres pour votre plaisir

Dear Family,

Thanks much for the Rock Band. I greatly enjoyed playing every evening for significantly longer than I had planned. :) My apologies to my roommates for the noise...

Love,

Your somewhat lost, currently academically challenged Katie

Dear Everyone Else (particularly guys),

What do you think of girls asking guys out?
Just curious.

Love,

Katie la courageuse

high and dry, i am so sorry

I have tried and tried and tried to sum it up, to find something that says it better than I can, but I have already used up my most depressing French poem, and all of the lyrics to the songs we loved are far too happy.

Dear World,

Could you please be nice to me this week? I think one more thing might leave me undone.

Sincerely,

Katie

speak.

"I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems."

Go Owl City, go.
I liked them before they were on the radio, thank you very much.

gah.

Heyyyyy everybody!

I'm currently in the lovely capital of Indiana. This is the first time I've been back since my family moved away when I was eight. Unfortunately I won't be going anywhere near where I used to live, but returning to the state and all is pretty cool anyway.
Yesterday we went to Nauvoo, which I apparently do not remember at all because it seemed totally different when I was there 12 years ago. It was really neat though. I got my Nauvoo brick and horseshoe nail ring through a series of miraculous happenstances and a little bit of sinning. Fact: the tour the Community of Christ Church does run a little long. Fact: All the Mormon attractions (everything that gives you free things like aforementioned rings and bricks) close at 5:00. Fact: The COC red brick store (where bricks are sold for $2.50) stays open until 6:00. Something that may or may not be true: Elisha bought me a brick and some rootbeer from the store...on a Sunday...so I wouldn't have to "break the Sabbath" (ha, right, I know that doesn't work) :S
Fact: All I wanted from Nauvoo was a stupid brick, and dang it, I sure got one.

It's been interesting seeing all of these church history sites. As we visited Carthage Jail today, I was thinking that it sort of feels like we're chasing Joseph Smith's ghost. We're tracing our way through all of these places where he lived and stayed and died and yet it doesn't quite seem real to me. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I was staring at the floor upon which he stood or that I was standing in the room he was shot.
It's disappointing really. I think I need an attitude adjustment. I'm letting all of these amazing sites (sights?) and places pass me by...So many people would kill to be where I am, and I'm taking it for granted...

I can't help it.
Confession: I want to be home.

I have no words.

Il a mis le café
Dans la tasse
Il a mis le lait
Dans la tasse de café
Il a mis le sucre
Dans le café au lait
Avec la petite cuiller
Il a tourné
Il a bu le café au lait
Et il a reposé la tasse
Sans me parler

Il a allumé
Une cigarette
Il a fait des ronds
Avec la fumée
Il a mis les cendres
Dans le cendrier
Sans me parler
Sans me regarder

Il s'est levé
Il a mis
Son chapeau sur sa tête
Il a mis son manteau de pluie
Parce qu'il pleuvait
Et il est parti
Sous la pluie
Sans une parole
Sans me regarder

Et moi j'ai pris
Ma tête dans ma main
Et j'ai pleuré

The last stanza: I put my head in my hands and cried.

Two days after Thanksgiving...

...I am thankful for:
friends
who will go on random Border's runs with me whether or not it's actually open
who will stay up until 3 AM watching movies because we can't stop talking to each other
who will indulge me in my weird movie obsessions..."Amelie"...what more can I say?
family
who lets me sleep until 1 (disgusting, I know. I've since repented.)
who will go to Maestro's for crepes and gelato (and will pay for it!)
who takes me shopping at 11:30 PM at Walmart so I don't go back to my apartment sans yogurt and other necessities
a boyfriend
who texts/calls me even when he's half way across the country
who buys me ridiculous cute outfits at Savers....ha
who bids forever on Coldplay tickets, only to be outbid at the last second :( It's the thought that counts :)
random stuff
getting paid to do what I love (yeah chemistry in any of its forms!), good books, good food, good movies, good music, having survived the college application process (my sister's in the middle of it...helped her with one of her essays ALL morning long), the gospel (really, this deserves a post all on its own), being. in. a. physics. class. (maybe if I say it, the physics gods will smile upon me and then eventually it'll be true), curly hair, cute boots, harvest peach yogurt, Coldplay albums for 99 cents (LoVe Amazon.com), getting paid, having a car for the weekend, computers with working CD burners, Border's coupons, Costa Vida punch cards, little sisters and a mom who clean, free laundry!!!

I love my life. I know I complain a lot of this blog, but you know what, that's what blogs are for...at least in my opinion.
C'est belle la vie. That's all I have to say about that.

Wow

People, ask for things via blog. It totally works, even if people don't read your request.

Thanks Lance ;)

I just realized:

I have not cooked for myself in my apartment since...ever....
except for breakfast yesterday, but that wasn't just for myself.
It's weirding me out a little, haha, because I have all these Martha Stewart recipes I've been getting by email all summer I've been meaning to try out.
Also, forgetting your planner at home when it contains your schedule is not a good idea. Whoops. Had to make a quick dash to a library computer to find my French class (which is going to rock, by the way. Oh, and I've decided that all French teachers are tres chic and have great taste in clothing). Next up is organic chemistry just downstairs! (I'm in the lab right now.) I'm excited!!

Well, this was sort of a pathetic little post. Sometime soon I'll do a big back to school run down.

Like Vines...

Hotsprings are a beautiful thing.
That's all I have to say about that.
:D

Ender Will Save Us All

Oh goodness. I am such a silly girl.
This is what I have done for the past, ok, my entire life: every time any guy shows any interest in me, I back way off. WAY OFF. Even if I liked the guy in the first place!
I think I am afraid of relationships. I just cannot get comfortable with the idea of tying myself to someone else, even in the loosest of ways!
I don't know how to play this game. Every scrap of ability I have was not put into anything people-related.

And I'm sorry I'm such a control freak. Gosh, sometimes I look back on what I've done, and I'm like, what the heck was I thinking and why did no one slap me? Every project, every event, everything, I just have to bestow it upon myself to get my hands in all the details. Probably a good trait when it comes to school, but you know what, sometimes I should just chillax and let other people do something.

Ah, deedge. I ought to write something peppy about California. Soon to come, I promise.

I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call.

I don't even know what to say in this post. I'm bored. I'm tired. I should read something or study something or go run errands or something, but I can't dredge up the necessary motivation. I feel stuck. I'm still waiting, and I'm getting sick of it.

Today my little sister asked my mom when I was going to get married. Possibly never, I'm thinking to myself considering that requires having a relationship first. I swear, I feel like I'm so behind, I'm so inexperienced that if I ever do meet someone I really, really like I'll just screw it all up because I have no idea what I'm doing. People have to be very persistent if they want to get to know me, you know. I am not a very open person, and I don't really go out of my way to get what I want when it involves other people. Academics? Yeah, I do whatever it takes to get that A. Guys I like? Nope, I just wait for them to make the first move. And the second. And the third. I just...meh. I don't know what I want.

Ok, I take that back. "I want Ken Rilings to come in here and say, 'Pam Shorts' broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with you."

That's what I want. Where's my Ken Rilings? Where the heck is my ballroom dance king? (preferably not a scumbag drunk, but at this point even that I could possibly put up with)

P.S. Go watch "Strictly Ballroom" if that quote didn't make any sense :P