First Pancake

*first pancake
[fûrst pān'kāk'] noun

The oldest child who usually lacks social skills that their younger siblings have. Taken from saying that the first pancake cooked generally doesn't turn out because the griddle is still heating up. A first pancake doesn't have an older sibling to watch go through the basic firsts of life and instead must figure them out for his or herself, leaving him or her in many awkward, scary situations. They feel behind compared to most of their peers in areas such as dating, never really figuring out what exactly is wrong with them.

Examples:
Wow, she's never had a relationship, she must be a first pancake.
He's so naive, I bet he's a first pancake.

See guinea pig, experiment child.

I play an ever-expanding game of twister

What was I thinking? I don't even need this, I don't even want this.

I just want to spend my days evenly split between the new studio and the lab. I hate taking classes. I can't focus and I just feel stupid and fat. I need to be moving, running, dancing, anything, I can feel it in my body. I'm sick of sitting! I'm sick of thinking!

The drop deadline isn't until Thursday. With one click I can walk away and pretend that chem 227 and new testament never happened.

Secrets

I really liked Ashlan's post about secrets, so here are some of mine.
Disclaimer: no earth shattering things will be revealed (mostly because I don't have any earth shattering secrets), just some random things you may not know about me.

I am deathly afraid of grasshoppers. Yes, I am perfectly aware that this is a completely irrational fear, but I am afraid nonetheless. Do not mock me. :P

I tend to keep what I think to myself, not because I don't want people to hear my opinions or anything, but because it takes me a while to decide what I think about things. I'm too easily swayed by both sides and can usually see why both sides could be correct.

I don't think people take me seriously sometimes, but I don't mind it so much so long as I'm able to prove their initial assumptions about me wrong.

I wonder sometimes what life would have been like if I'd done that Center Stage jazz team with Becky years and years ago instead of doing ballroom.

I hate eggs and milk. I even tried eating an omelet a couple weeks ago. I really did try it, and you know what, I didn't like it. Too eggy, too nasty of a texture.

I'm a first pancake. Maybe I'll get over it. (tehe Jody and Alyssa)

I don't really know what to do with myself. I know I posted that cynical post about how there are some things I will never be able to do, but for the most part I still believe I can do anything. And therefore, I can do nothing because I have a million possibilities.

I keep waiting for someone in the chemistry department to say, "Just kidding! You really aren't that good at this! You just keep getting all these things because your dad works here!" Now that I've typed that out it sounds completely ridiculous, but sometimes that's how I feel.

I don't read as much as I used to and it scares me a little. Like I'm not the same person I was a year ago, which I guess is true, you can't go through your freshman year of college and not change a little, but still...why don't I read all the time?

I tend to only learn enough about things to get by in casual conversations (that's as much as I really know about politics, fooled you all, huh?) and ace a test. I can feel myself losing momentum academically, and I hate it.

I take fast showers. I can soap down, shampoo and condition my hair, and shave my legs in about 3 song lengths (approximately nine minutes).

I used to do weird things like picture sidewalk sections as blocks and then picture myself jumping every other one. I used to climb stairs two at a time so that it would even out and the last step I'd be on the next floor instead of having to take one extra step.

Eh, that's enough for now. Thanks for venturing into the abysses (did not know that was actually a word, but it's not underlined in red, so I guess it is) of my mind. :)

I believe, help thou mine unbelief.

My lab this morning was going really badly. It took us forever to calculate the amount of FEDS we needed for our solution and then we made it up with the wrong solvent, then we spilled the FEDS when we started over and had to start over again...3 volumetric flasks later we had a correct solution to put in the sonicator, except I was stupid and forgot to try to dissolve the FEDS first (just smile and nod, sorry this is all gibberish :)) and supposedly FEDS is not all that soluble so I was afraid we were going to have to start over again. I said this super desperate quick prayer in my head that the solution would dissolve and we'd be able to get going on our lab (two hours of class had already gone by). The next time I checked the solution, it was all dissolved. Whew! Thank you Heavenly Father! Three hours later I'm working on my lab report in excel, and it freezes. I hadn't saved it recently and it's due tonight so I was freaking out that I'd have to redo a bunch of stuff for that too. But you know what, it worked out just fine because it unfroze itself and I was able to go back to working on it. I don't know why I always freak out about things like that. If I'd just relax and try to work through the problem things work out. They always do. I know this is kind of a stupid little example, but the principle involved is true. God doesn't abandon you ever, so if you just keep trying, it'll be okay.

Why is it so hard to remember that sometimes?

PS This is my 50th post. Happy 50th post on Katie's blog day everyone! :)

Busy, Buzzing, Bumbling Bee

I thought when winter semester was over I could take a little bit of a break. I am just as busy now as I was then...
Schedule: (ok, copying Jody and Alyssa, but it seemed like a fun idea)

Monday
8-12 Lab class
12 Group meeting
1-3 New Testament
3-6ish Work
Go home and do homework, go to FHE at 7?

Tuesday
8-9 TA for bronze latin
9-11 Lab lecture
12-6ish Work

Wednesday
8-12 Lab class
1-3 New Testament
3-6 Work

Thursday
8-9 TA for bronze latin
9-11 Lab lecture
12-6ish Work

Friday
8-12 Lab class
1-6ish Work

I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call.

I don't even know what to say in this post. I'm bored. I'm tired. I should read something or study something or go run errands or something, but I can't dredge up the necessary motivation. I feel stuck. I'm still waiting, and I'm getting sick of it.

Today my little sister asked my mom when I was going to get married. Possibly never, I'm thinking to myself considering that requires having a relationship first. I swear, I feel like I'm so behind, I'm so inexperienced that if I ever do meet someone I really, really like I'll just screw it all up because I have no idea what I'm doing. People have to be very persistent if they want to get to know me, you know. I am not a very open person, and I don't really go out of my way to get what I want when it involves other people. Academics? Yeah, I do whatever it takes to get that A. Guys I like? Nope, I just wait for them to make the first move. And the second. And the third. I just...meh. I don't know what I want.

Ok, I take that back. "I want Ken Rilings to come in here and say, 'Pam Shorts' broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with you."

That's what I want. Where's my Ken Rilings? Where the heck is my ballroom dance king? (preferably not a scumbag drunk, but at this point even that I could possibly put up with)

P.S. Go watch "Strictly Ballroom" if that quote didn't make any sense :P

First impressions

I started my spring term a couple of days ago. It's always interesting to compare what I thought at the beginning of the term to what I think at the end, so here's what I currently think of:

Chem 227: Has only 30 kids in it, compared to the 100+ there were in 113. That makes it much quieter and more roomy. Dr. Austin seems really cool, except for I think I started off on the wrong foot with him...I had to send him an email telling him I'd be gone the first day of class because of Lake Powell and I don't know, I just get the feeling he thinks I'm a dumb blonde...sigh...every semester, every new class I feel like I have to start over proving I'm smart. It's like nothing I've done in the past counts for anything. You're only as good as your last performance, right? Well none of my new professors know what my last performance was, so I have to prove it all over again. It's exhausting. I just wish I didn't have to try so hard.

Anyway, enough of that. On with the first impressions.

New Testament: Is taught in a building which I do not like at all because of its 80's feel and dark rooms, but I think I'll like the class a lot. My professor had some interesting insights on each of the four gospels. Matthew: written for the Jews as evidenced by more quotes from Old Testament prophets and all of the begats..all of that is Jewish heritage stuff...Mark: written by Mark who was writing for Peter which you can see by the fast pace of the narrative. Luke: written to the poor and meek as evidenced by all of the stories of poor, seemingly insignificant people. John: written for members of church, calling people who already know about the gospel to come higher up and further in. Anyway, he said a lot of other good things to support all of those ideas, but I just liked being able to think about the authors of the gospels as real people writing to specific audiences. Very cool.

TAing for Brent: K, I did not expect to learn anything from TAing a bronze latin class, but you know what, I totally did today. As I was demonstrating with Brent I had to really think about exactly what my body was doing so that I didn't lead the students astray or anything...I did not even realize that I always lift my heels off the ground when I do cucarachas (ahh, spelling? I am not a Spaniard.) but when Brent was teaching them how to do cucarachas I noticed that I definitely do...will fix that. Anyway, it'll be good just to be able to dance twice a week seeing as I still do not have a partner...

Working in Dr. Woodfield's Lab: The people who work in there are so cool; I think I'm going to like it a lot. I'm still in the figure-out-what-the-heck-is-going-on phase, and I expect to be in that phase for a good part of the summer...but, I did grind up a tin II oxide nanoparticle sample today. It was really cool actually. You measure out two off white powders, pour in a little bit of water, and then grind with a mortar and pestle for 15ish minutes and the powders bubble for a while until the mixture becomes a brown paste...who would've thought?

Continuing my education through spring is going to be a bit of a drag, but at least I won't be bored. Hope everyone's summer vacations are going well! Enjoy your break from school....:)

Take That, Calculus!

So I think most of you readers read my blog about my 37% on my math test...

I checked my grades today online and in math, I received a(n)

A FREAKING MINUS! muhahahahahahhhahahaha!

It's been a week full of good things. Just wanted to share. :)