I wrote this meandering draft back in April before I was pregnant and just re-read it today. I'm 7 months pregnant now and still a bit apprehensive about losing a lot of personal freedom, but that's been overshadowed by concern that the baby will get here healthy (everything looks fine so far, so I have no reason to believe otherwise but I worry still), and we'll give him a good life. Sacrificial Mormon mom kicked in after all. I got the cute bookcase (it's this one) but haven't decided yet on the pricey blanket. Indecision! It's part of my brand.
Anyway, it's interesting to see the difference a few months make. Here's what was in my head a while ago.
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This is Ruby. Ruby is my dog, my French bulldog puppy, currently almost 8 months old. She was kind of an impulse purchase, thanks to Aaron's local classifieds browsing. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. I cried on the floor alone at least three times while dealing with Ruby while Aaron was at work and I didn't know what I was doing. We were pretty sleep-deprived for the first couple of months when her bladder was so tiny she had to go to the bathroom every couple of hours and whined a lot at night. That was a dark time.
But it got better. She's house trained now and is pretty good about not chewing on things that aren't toys (except every rug in the house but it's better than shoes I guess). She loves people and other dogs and is very playful. She also costs a lot of personal freedom and also costs a lot of cold hard cash. Daycare, lots of vet visits, food, toys, more vet visits, and more daycare is eating up a lot of our discretionary spending.
Anyway, having Ruby is both like having a child and also not like having a child a lot. Aaron thought having a dog would make me less lonely but actually, I feel more lonely, maybe because Ruby is so obviously not a human that for some reason it just reminds me that I am alone a lot since Aaron works all the time, and we have no kids. So that's a little depressing. But at the same time, she makes me glad I don't have kids because then I'd have even less personal freedom, and I already resent the small dip in personal freedom getting Ruby already cost me. And THEN I feel sad that I feel apprehensive about losing personal freedom by having children because that's not very sacrificial Mormon mom of me, now is it?
I've been looking at baby quilts on Crate and Barrel and I already know which one I want to buy whenever it is I get pregnant. Which, who knows when that will be? I've got $40 left on a gift card that I'm saving for it. Now who's being selfish! I'm doing this for YOU future child!! A baby quilt that you probably won't even get to touch because it's over $100 and way too beautiful for all the bodily fluids that accompany babies.
The baby quilt browsing quickly spread to kids' bookcases, which, in case you weren't aware, are adorable. Like, really, really cute. There are at least four that I want to buy from Crate and Barrel alone. All I want for my future baby is a lot of freaking books.
Why is it that kids get all the cute bookcases? Regular bookcases are generally pretty ugly. I know because I've been looking for years to replace my mocha Target bookcases I've owned for 7 years, and all of the sleek minimalist ones are not practical for actually storing books. They have open sides so you better have some real sturdy bookends if want to fill the shelves with books and not your floor. The cutest book storage options I've seen on design-y blogs are always either built-ins (renting, so not an option) or straight up shelves attached to the wall (also, renting, not ideal, I am uncomfortable with holes in walls).
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Puppies -> babies -> bookcases. Never did get around to writing up an actual ending to the post, I suppose. But there you go.
